I am about 2 months shy of my 7 year SG anniversary! How exciting. Our blog topic (as I am sure you all have seen by now) is asking how SuicideGirls has changed our lives, for better or for worse. A reflection blog on my last 7 years here seems appropriate given said topic! I don't usually do these...but I really wanted to participate in this one because it has such a special meaning to me.
In 2006 I was approached by someone from SuicideGirls via MySpace about whether or not I had any interest in modeling for them. I had been following SG there and constantly commented on all of the lovely pictures, but had never been to the actual website and didn't really know very much about it. I hadn't ever done nude modeling before (up until that point I had only ever done fashion, hair and make up modeling) and I was interested but not over the moon. I never thought of my body as a "sought after" type being very short, scrawny, and small chested. I ended up moving from my hometown in Maryland all the way to Santa Cruz, California about a month later and revisiting the idea of getting involved with SuicideGirls as a model. I had done more research and was told by staff that there was a photographer in the Joshua Tree area, not too far from me! I decided I would give it a go, what is the worst that could happen? They reject me---and since I was pretty much prepared for the worst, no big deal! I submitted an application and was set up for a photo shoot. Well, things got in the way. I ended up moving back to Maryland to get back together with and marry the man who would later become my ex-husband. But SuicideGirls was still heavy on my brain. I was really excited about the idea despite a lot of the negative crap I heard from girls who "knew girls who did it" saying to stay away. I wasn't scared of rejection and I was used to catty girls. I had made up my mind...I wanted to be a SuicideGirl and I was going to give it a real shot. In January of 2007 I traveled to Myrtle Beach to finally shoot with Scott Smallin, our local staff photographer. This set became my very first set as a SuicideGirl (not titled by myself, haha I promise!) "Perfect Smile." A wee babe of 20....how young and uncovered my skin was then!
That seems so long ago. The set was bought and went live in May, I remember that feeling of seeing it on the front page. Back in those days you never knew when your set would go up...it was a total surprise. That year I worked Wizard World in Philly and attended several regional SG parties and events. I got to meet mega babes like @Fractal, @Suri, @Morgan, @Apple, @Dierdre (who I am still very close to!), @Cairo and more. I remember that year at Wizard World we met Lou Ferrigno. That was so freaking cool, he gave us a ride on his golf cart! What a blast. I also shot my 2nd SG set..which is quite a story because it was bought, but never published!
The beautiful @Brooklyn traveled to Maryland to meet @Dierdre and myself. I ended up shooting my second set for SuicideGirls in my mother's bedroom. It's sort of funny because I am sub-letting her house now (she moved out before her lease was over to move in with her boyfriend so we took over the rent) and her room is exactly the same. Every time I look at it, I think....hey, I got naked on that bed and someone documented it! This set is also kind of a rare treat to get a sneak peak of because SuicideGirls actually bought it. This was right before Member Review became a thing and their queue of bought sets was SO backed up that Rigel told us if we were tired of waiting for our set to go live we could move it into Member Review. I ended up doing that and shortly after (I think before the set even premiered in MR) I deleted it because I temporarily archived myself while dealing with my fiance at the time who wanted me to quit. So no one has ever seen this set except a small handful of people I personally showed! I was BLONDE! Haha, how weird is that? So, from my second set also shot back in 2007 this is from "Beautiful" shot by Brooklyn. I also did not name this set, I swear guys I'm not an ego maniac!! :)
This photo was a raw image, I believe...that bruise on my boob is a bite mark from a lover at the time. These are the only 2 photos I have left from this set. I wish I still had them because of the nostalgia. So young....
And that was my first year with SG! So many more sets and years to come. 2008 was also a really important year because it was the year I met some girls that became life long friends of mine (like @Mnislahi and @Drave), shot my third set, and organized my very first SuicideGirls local night! It was also my last active year before going on hiatus.
My third set was also shot by my darling @Brooklyn. She came down again from New York for one of my local events and shot several ladies. We shot "420" in my bedroom of my first apartment. This was really fun to shoot, and I remember having SO many comments about how my eyes were photo shopped because I didn't "look stoned" in the photos. Come on, smarty pants. We shot the whole set, and then took the photos of me smoking it at the very end. So I didn't "look stoned" because I was only actually stoned in a couple of photos and my eyes rarely ever get red from smoking pot. Or at least, they didn't use to. I don't really smoke anymore so who knows what it would do to me now ;) I'm old haha. My kitty cats Pyki and Severus the Great also made appearances in this set. This was a really fun set to shoot, though I feel like it looks the least like me out of all my sets.
Right after this set was shot I had my first SG event that I organized and got to meet SO many incredible ladies and see some old friends again. The event was at The Green Turtle in Germantown, MD and we had live music, contests, SG sent some great stuff for give aways, and we had a blast.
This was the night @Mnislahi and I fell in love, by the way ;) I also made it out to Ohio that year for one of the Havanah Nights and got to meet so many other amazing babes like @Bully, @Sunshine, @JoLeigh, @Alissa, @Havanah, @Luscious, and loads more. The night started out amazing and wonderful---but this was also the scariest experience of my life. I had 2 drinks (and anyone who knows me knows 2 drinks is but a whistle wetter) and ended up waking up in my car driving home. I dated this guy who was a junkie (though I didn't know it at the time), and a total lunatic (should've known that) and I believe he slipped me something that night. I have never really spoken with him since. Just thinking about it makes me ill. But the memories up until that point were wonderful and I feel lucky to have been able to experience the Ohio Havanah Night madness if only for an hour or two.
Shortly after this I went on hiatus with SG to plan my wedding and I gave birth to my son, James. My ex husband was not a fan of my involvement with the site and while I refused to archive again, I did put some space between myself and SuicideGirls. It wasn't until after my separation from my husband in 2011 that I became involved again. The only negative things that SuicideGirls ever brought me were related to this divorce. When I left my husband he was very bitter and convinced I was going to try to take his son from him (I never had any such intention, actually I just wanted to go back to being just friends!). He hired a lawyer and went after me for custody of our son, using SuicideGirls against me. Luckily, after the bitterness died, we were able to talk like rational adults and settle out of court and share custody. He never pushed again for me to leave SG or made anymore comments about it making me unfit to be a mother. Actually, he apologized. We are now better friends than we have ever been and he even asks about how I am doing with my "weird girl modeling." But I remember even in those moments where I feared how my involvement would cost me thousands of dollars in court fees (I knew it was never enough to lose custody of my son---I have a spotless record, not even a speeding ticket and have been a stay at home mom for years), I never regretted a moment of being a SuicideGirl.
In 2011 I reunited with Brooklyn to shoot my "come back" set. This set ended up not being such a come back, haha. It was my first set that wasn't purchased and in all honesty was not my best work. Right before Brooklyn arrived to shoot, I found out Jared was suing me for custody. Literally THAT day. The nerves were apparent in the photos, and although I had a blast shooting it---I am glad this was not my big return to the front page. Here is a little photo from "Sassy"
I also hosted my second SuicideGirls local night at Guido's Speakeasy. Saw lots of familiar faces, gave out lots of signed DVDs and goodies. We had such a great time :)
2012 was such a big year for me with SuicideGirls. I attended my first shootfest and met some girls that would really truly change my life forever. We rented a giant house on the beach in St. Augustine and spent the week shooting sets, filming videos, cooking, bonding, and lounging around the pool naked. It was the best week of my life and the sisters I gained have made such a huge impact on me I can't even begin to explain. I love you girls all SO much. @Yesenia I will alwaaays be grateful to you for organizing that!!! At the shootfest I shot a few sets, one of which was purchased. I finally was able to shoot "Game Day" which is a football themed set that I have been wanting to do since I became a SuicideGirl. thank you @thelabrat for making that a reality and getting it on the front page! I am from MD---and everyone knows, Crabcakes and Football is what MD does best! :)
It was really hard keeping my composure and trying to be cute and sexy while I shot this because the Cowboys were losing terribly. I was actually pretty furious. If I didn't have an army of hot babes watching me and making me laugh I don't know if we would have made it through this shoot, haha. I also shot "First Day of My Life" with @LucySky's husband @signalse7en
I also got to shoot a stripped down and fun multi with my love @mnislahi...we were both pretty hungover when we shot this! hair of the dog is the cure for everything so we started drinking while shooting. the set was aptly named "Fireball"
2013 brought about seeing so many of my loves again at Hell City in Killumbus, Ohio. I was reunited with @Toxic @Gunner @Chrysis @Lego @Yesenia @Drave @SoBelle @Luscious and more. I also got to meet some killer babes and amazing ladies like @Zephyr (my eternal crush), @Shotgun @Spliff (one of my best friends in the world) @Damone and more!! I shot one of my favorite sets, "Come On, Baby" with my darling @SoBelle in our hotel room that weekend too!
Which was my most recent Front page set :) Later in 2013 a large group of us all came together for the Las Vegas Shootfest that @yesenia and I worked our butts off to organize! All well worth it. We had such a phenomenal group of ladies and some really incredible sets were shot. We even had the lucky chance to have @stoneart come and give us all bro-tats to commemorate the memories. @OliviaBlack and I got matching Sriracha tattoos (ask to see our cocks...) and I also got the SG logo from the year I became a SuicideGirl with the little Vegas star next to it :) My first set shot in Las Vegas is coming to you VERY soon (5 days!) shot by the fabulous @Waikiki. This set for me was personal because it felt like the most "home" version of myself. Not that I am always decked out in pearls (although it is one of the few types of jewelry I wear), but I sleep in nightgowns every night and it seems to be a little sneak peak into my homemaker self. The set was a hard one to shoot because we were having lighting problems and were interrupted several times with things like random pool guys showing up to a mansion filled with naked ladies! I hope you all enjoy it, here is a sneak preview :)
from "Don't Lose Touch"...
I also had the pleasure of working with @azera and we created a little magic that will be coming to you right after my birthday in early June! "Irish Cuppa" was shot in my best friend's home in Las Vegas and one of my favorite sets to date.
Another set you guys never got to see was a 5-way multi shot by @Sobelle featuring myself, @Lego @Spliff @Acacia and @Toxic. We had hoped to have it staff approved for a Halloween set, but it wasn't :( So Belle did a run of prints and you can still purchase the set to view on her website sobelleimages.com This was a blast to shoot...even though it was hell getting it going! Some really beautiful and sexy photos came out of it :) From "The Craft"
just look at all those butts ;)
And of course, if you haven't seen "Criminal" shot by @thelabrat ...well, you haven't seen anything yet ;) This super steamy multi of @Acacia and I has been in the works for YEARS. We finally felt it was the right time to get down and wet, and show the world our undying love for one another. This one is still in MR and we would love to see it hit the front page. We have had so many lovely remarks on our chemistry and the set itself...thank you all! "Criminal"
black nails, wet white t's, black panties...what's not to love? ;)
And that brings us to today! 2014...I'm not sure what to expect this year from SG. I shot a lot of sets in Las Vegas and I am glad I did because my husband and I learned back in October that we are expecting another little boy! While I won't be losing touch this time, I will be taking a break from shooting probably until next year. I have lots of upcoming sets to submit until then, so the timing is perfect :) I will, however, be missing some shootfests, Hell City, Comic Con, and other events this year as I am on bed rest. I am going to stay as involved as I possibly can otherwise and keep you guys updated on my adventures and such. Please don't forget about it me! :)
SuicideGirls has really become one of the major highlights of things I did right in my life. I have met some of my best friends on this site. I've gotten to travel to photo shoots, conventions, events, and been able to work with people from all over the world. I never in a million years would have expected all this from 7 years ago. I've seen the site change a few times, girls come and go, new books, dvds, tours, etc. I never would have expected after 2 kids to still be so involved. I hope to soon get into shooting some sets of ladies myself after my move to Florida, I got a great new camera and though I have no idea how to use it...I will learn! Thank you @missy, @sean, everyone at HQ, all my fellow ladies and photographers for giving me this opportunity to be a part of the SuicideGirls community. and most importantly thanks to all of you guys for giving a shit and making me give so many shits about this weird little corner of the interwebs. I couldn't imagine life without it <3
signing off...xoxoxoxo
