rthunder

An Evening Drive Epiphany

I was driving to the summit of the Santa Cruz mountains on a quixotic mission to pick up Annie who actually had already gotten a ride over the hill. It was a dusky evening drive, the lights already on, the sun already gone down, the sky already turned from orange to dark blue to deep indigo. The air was warm through the open windows. I sat in the twilight evening watching cars zoom past on highway 17, a steady shwooshing wavescape.

Sitting and listening and letting the music of Rage Against the Machine wash over me. And suddenly I realized that as full as my life is, it is not full enough. A longing came over me to take part in everything, to be
part of it all, to make trouble, and create and live a life so full that there was no room for bullshit. I was full of wanting.

I want to fight in the streets.
I want to write, complex multi-layered stuff to get lost in.
I want to take drives at dusk.
I want to be a powerhouse, an unstoppable bundle of energy.
I want to do radical history projects of enormous scope.
I want to read voraciously.
I want to never stop learning.
I want to be part of independent media.
I want to drink deeply.
I want to connect to important people who inspire me.
I want to be powerful and sincerely humble.
I want to inspire others.
I want to be generous with everyone.