I'm a little late to the game but wanted to drop a note here regarding SG and how impressed I've been with the progression over the past 20 years, who I was then, how I ended up here, what's next etc...
When I first found out about SG I was a 19 year old goth girl working as a barista in Portland, Oregon. Initially from Seattle I had moved in to town to leave behind a wild life of underground parties and surviving off of table-scraps. Out of my home at an early age (because I had lousy parents) I worked many odd jobs. I helped host underground raves, cleaned houses, barista for tourist cafes, busser for 24 hour restaurants . To be clear this was a thing since the age of 15. Moving to Portland was good for me. While doing a lot of the same work the area at the time was much calmer and far more art than chaos. My new friend circle (made up of kind, creative, and black-clad people) provided me with a sense of community and a place where I could flourish.
I was sitting in my studio when a friend showed up with a number she pulled from a flyer for what she presumed was a t-shirt company looking for goth models. Coincidentally when I went to the cafe to meet Missy for the initial interviews she looked very familiar to me. Turned out she was my neighbor! I had seen her around before and admired her fashion -- very punky and sweet <3 We lived within blocks of each other in NW Portland. I was surprised to learn it was a nude pinup site and not a t-shirt company. The idea was very cool tho, it wasn't traditional or boring in any way. The idea of who she was looking to work with sounded a lot like people I knew and would like to know more of. I was a little trepidatious regarding the nudity aspect though because I had always had body issues (self-esteem issues). So after our chat I went home to wait for a callback and contemplate if this were a good life decision or not.
A few days later I bumped into Missy at Pioneer Square in Portland and she revealed to me she wanted me to be a model for the site. The conversation was brief but fun and I agreed. Probably one of the better decisions I had ever made in my life. Life changed a little then as I began socializing at old SGHQ and doing shoots. I had a lot of fun getting to know the other girls and more and more joined SG. To me it wasn't just a job, tho the money at the time was good for a girl my age. It was definitely the friendships and time we had together that I loved.
Of course time moves on and eventually I moved back to Seattle because I felt there were more day jobs available and missed my family there too. Fast forward to getting married, to a person who hated the idea of me getting tattoos tho he married a SuicideGirl. I wish the terrible logic in that one wasn't lost on me in the moment. Young love can blind you with stupidity really. During this time I kept distance from SG for the most part. Often assuming I had aged out or misstep in my relationships somehow. The concept of stability and a good life looking forward was (and still is) and important aspect of my life. The only difference between then and now is how I view myself. Fortunately through SG I was subtly and always reminded over time that I was in a lot of ways beautiful to people and had a place in this world.
It had been years since I logged in before I heard from @voltaire regarding the anniversary shoot. Her and I have remained good friends over the years (one of my first crushes too haha). I'm glad she got my contact information to @penny. Who contacted me with the official invitation to participate in the anniversary. My only regret during the shoot was how sad I was mourning the loss of my best friend Kate (also a longtime crush). Penny was a great photographer and kind person to work with, which helped a great deal with the shoot. It goes without saying that she is a woman of many talents. Also my first peak into how the culture and site has evolved. All of the women here new, old, hopefuls are amazing people. The project got my creative mind going and I used this as an opportunity to collaborate with other local female artists. For my outfit and hair as well as creative set ideas and lighting. I wanted to continue my trend of unusual/non typical shooting styles. Had it been under better circumstances I would have provided all of you with more photos. I was just a bit out of sorts that day as the death came unexpectedly.
You're probably wondering what my initial thoughts were after being stored in what felt like a SuicideGirl time capsule. To list a few of my initial thoughts (and in no particular order): Good lord all of these woman are so fucking pretty, WTF is this video button?, OMG I get.. tips now?!, is there an actual app or what does this button do, what are 'member reviews'. It was and continues to be a learning curve for me. So I apologize if my responses or ways of communicating here seem odd or slow. I'm just the oldest new kid on the block. So weird to go from SG #1 to 'I have so much to learn'. One thing there is no confusion about is that everyone here continues to perfectly embody the mission of redefining beauty. I see all sorts of women in varying ages, body types, cultures. I've read blogs and the comments from members. In the reverse I've read blogs by members and comments from SGs. The community has really grown here. I am most impressed with all of you. Every single participant. Yes you too. As a matter of fact this is once again my favorite social media platform haha. <3
With that being said please expect more of me moving forward. I don't really have any hangups or will to be judged by anyone now in a similar manor to the way I rejected that concept in the beginning. It's funny how we have to go through so many phases just to realize what we initially believed in was correct, isn't it? I'm so glad I got to participate in this project and hope there will be more in the near future. If anyone has any particular questions regarding what it was like in the beginning feel free to comment or message.
For those of you TL/DR: You will probably see more naked pictures of my butt. <3
@missy @sean