Dr. Who watching done. Yay for me.
I think when i write. So here is a bit of writing that turned into a brain storming session for myself.
In other news my real dad is apparently trying to get in contact with me. I got contacted by his therapist. Apparently he is in some sort of rehab and is being encouraged to contact his kids. As far as I know he has never even seen a picture of me. So what would getting in contact with me do? Closure? What closure? There is no relationship there. That mythical automatic father-son love connection is bullshit and I am proof. I feel no relationship related feelings for this guy and never have. I know who the real dad is in my life. The only thing I have ever felt about him is anger because I heard that after him and my mom split he married some other women and beat his kids. I am angry at him for beating children. That is it. The illusion some automatic connection only exists because we force it or because the dad is around the kid a lot in a normal relationship so the kid gets attached. We as adults create that relationship. It does not happen by itself. This is further proved by my relationship with my gf's daughter. People on the outside would think she is my biological daughter. This is because I have developed our roles to fit. That does not say that the love is not real, because it most definitely is. It merely shows that the child parent love is not automatic. When we are infants it is a survival thing that over time as the child gains mental capability evolves in to conscience choices to love the parent. Thats why your child can love you one moment and hate you the next. Survival brings them back to loving and as time goes on real love for you, the caring protecting, and teaching parent, develops. And that brings me to my first question.
What would me starting any sort of relationship with my sperm donor accomplish? Other cure our curiosity? He cant miss a relationship that was never there. That would be like me missing a hot women I saw at a laundry mat and then asking my therapist to get into contact with her so i could heal. To him I am some women's kid he fucked 27 years ago. After typing all that my mind has started to wonder if perhaps his healing process made him feel the need to have real relationship with his child. Maybe he realized he missed out and thinks he can make up for it, an idea that his therapist put in his head to give him hope no doubt. Im not so sure i like being used like that, but i guess if it helps the guy then whatever. And to add more to an already complex situation, the therapist said that he has already contacted my sister.
Umm I have a sister?
Again though she is a stranger to me. IE there are no feelings there. But could this start a relationship with the sister I never knew I had? Does she know about me? Does she care?
I guess the goal of all this would be to help this man get over whatever it is that it ailing him right? Thats a good thing right?
So I think I will email this counselor(councillor, btw, is a member of a counCIl & a counselor is one train to counSEl people. Note the different spelling of the words. lol, trivia within my rant. My brain works in strange ways) and at least go a little further into this new adventure.
-roguemind
I think when i write. So here is a bit of writing that turned into a brain storming session for myself.
In other news my real dad is apparently trying to get in contact with me. I got contacted by his therapist. Apparently he is in some sort of rehab and is being encouraged to contact his kids. As far as I know he has never even seen a picture of me. So what would getting in contact with me do? Closure? What closure? There is no relationship there. That mythical automatic father-son love connection is bullshit and I am proof. I feel no relationship related feelings for this guy and never have. I know who the real dad is in my life. The only thing I have ever felt about him is anger because I heard that after him and my mom split he married some other women and beat his kids. I am angry at him for beating children. That is it. The illusion some automatic connection only exists because we force it or because the dad is around the kid a lot in a normal relationship so the kid gets attached. We as adults create that relationship. It does not happen by itself. This is further proved by my relationship with my gf's daughter. People on the outside would think she is my biological daughter. This is because I have developed our roles to fit. That does not say that the love is not real, because it most definitely is. It merely shows that the child parent love is not automatic. When we are infants it is a survival thing that over time as the child gains mental capability evolves in to conscience choices to love the parent. Thats why your child can love you one moment and hate you the next. Survival brings them back to loving and as time goes on real love for you, the caring protecting, and teaching parent, develops. And that brings me to my first question.
What would me starting any sort of relationship with my sperm donor accomplish? Other cure our curiosity? He cant miss a relationship that was never there. That would be like me missing a hot women I saw at a laundry mat and then asking my therapist to get into contact with her so i could heal. To him I am some women's kid he fucked 27 years ago. After typing all that my mind has started to wonder if perhaps his healing process made him feel the need to have real relationship with his child. Maybe he realized he missed out and thinks he can make up for it, an idea that his therapist put in his head to give him hope no doubt. Im not so sure i like being used like that, but i guess if it helps the guy then whatever. And to add more to an already complex situation, the therapist said that he has already contacted my sister.
Umm I have a sister?
Again though she is a stranger to me. IE there are no feelings there. But could this start a relationship with the sister I never knew I had? Does she know about me? Does she care?
I guess the goal of all this would be to help this man get over whatever it is that it ailing him right? Thats a good thing right?
So I think I will email this counselor(councillor, btw, is a member of a counCIl & a counselor is one train to counSEl people. Note the different spelling of the words. lol, trivia within my rant. My brain works in strange ways) and at least go a little further into this new adventure.
-roguemind
silversurfer:
Since you're interested in this sort of thing, you might want to join the Power Users group. 