I can't stand questionares, so this was the last one I filled out. I was probably 18 at the time. I can't think of anything to write about at the moment, so here it is:
NAME: Call me Frank.
SEX: Undecided, Im guessing hermaphroditic goat.
LIVING ARRANGEMENT: The only living arrangement Ive made was with the Turkish Mafia, they promised to keep me alive if I continue importing little children.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS: I think they are a marketing tool to get stupid people like you to buy useless pieces of garbage for no other reason but to amuse yourself with the fact that you believe a supernatural creature would bother giving YOU of all people the time of day. Im sure any spiritual entity has better things to do that talk to you. You are so arrogant.
YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW: Definitely the Teletubies because they are an influence to all growing homosexually repressed children of the world.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD: My ass.
FAVORITE BOARD GAME: Ouija Board.
FAVORITE SMELLS: My favorite smell would have to be the smell of a beautiful woman shaking her enormous breasts in my face. Of course, I loose that smell when she realizes Im broke.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Getting your nuts caught in your zipper, and your heart broken by a circus midget.
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Having dirty hard core sex for 9 hours with an expensive prostitute who offers to pay you to stop having sex with her so she can go home.
FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: Spice World Sound Track.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OR THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING: Im never awake, Im in a state of perpetual dreaming. On the occasion I do wake up, I think, Why am I peeing in the litter box. My cat was not happy.
ROLLER COASTERS-SCARY OR EXCITING: I wasnt scared of a roller coaster until it stopped in the middle of loop. We were hanging there for 10 hours waiting to be taken down. It was fun peeing upside down. Of course the mechanics and fire fighters didnt appreciate me using them as target practice. They blamed me for the delay. Ill take responsibility for the urine on their clothes, but they still have a duty to help those in need. I think it is sad that trained professionals cant handle a crisis situation. There is no excuse for it. Its pure laziness.
PEN OR PENCIL: I prefer my Penis. If I need to write something, Id write it in the snow.
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU HANG UP THE PHONE: 2 rings, then stop...call again, let it ring 3 times, hang up. On the third time let it ring once, hang up, and just walk way.
FUTURE SONS NAME: Frank TJ Mackey or Tyler Durden.
FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: Frank TJ Mackey or Tyler Durden. I refuse to have a girl. Shell get over it.
FAVORITE FOODS: Whipped cream on hot sweaty flesh with honey and melted chocolate getting poured and licked off.
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: I killed them years ago. Clean your room! Go to bed. Put the knife down! WRONG! They were far too controlling.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: I like Vanilla Ice
FAVORITE ICE CREAM: Vanilla Ice, with white chocolate.
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS: Croutons, I dont dig on swine. A pig is a filthy animal with no personality.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS: Yes, my favorite is my Care Bears animal Lion Heart and my dog Eddie who died last year.
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR: They type of car that doesnt work, makes you become a slave to it by having to work two jobs to support the damn piece of shit.
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI: Ever time I eat broccoli, I think of poor Asian children who are starving and living in poverty. They search through garbage looking for anything to eat. I look at my broccoli, and feel repulsed by that thought. So I have to throw it away.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE: Blow jobs
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE: I am moving to Tibet to become a monk. I have no use for new hair colors. I must reach enlightenment by getting rid of all my possessions and shaving off my body hair.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: I was in love once, but she broke up with me, and turned into a gay feminist.
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM: Angelic symbols and pornography.
ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS : My right arm was blown off during the war.
IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE: The Ho
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED: Two Cadavers, an inflatable date, and my high school year book of 96.
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR: A reliable one
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON(S) WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: I love all your teeth.
PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: I hope that they dont waste their time reading it because I feel the last 30 minutes of filling out this questionnaire has failed to get me closer to enlightenment. Nor has it fulfilled any desire but to pass the time away as my insomnia takes full control of my life. If you think any less of me through my answers, you can go fuck yourself while my growing apathy continues to dominate my desire for sleep.*
*No one was harmed in the process of filling out this form. This is meant for satirical purposes only. Non of it is to be taken literally. If you feel outraged by these statements, then you can write a letter to the Swiss Government with your concerns.
NAME: Call me Frank.
SEX: Undecided, Im guessing hermaphroditic goat.
LIVING ARRANGEMENT: The only living arrangement Ive made was with the Turkish Mafia, they promised to keep me alive if I continue importing little children.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS: I think they are a marketing tool to get stupid people like you to buy useless pieces of garbage for no other reason but to amuse yourself with the fact that you believe a supernatural creature would bother giving YOU of all people the time of day. Im sure any spiritual entity has better things to do that talk to you. You are so arrogant.
YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW: Definitely the Teletubies because they are an influence to all growing homosexually repressed children of the world.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD: My ass.
FAVORITE BOARD GAME: Ouija Board.
FAVORITE SMELLS: My favorite smell would have to be the smell of a beautiful woman shaking her enormous breasts in my face. Of course, I loose that smell when she realizes Im broke.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Getting your nuts caught in your zipper, and your heart broken by a circus midget.
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Having dirty hard core sex for 9 hours with an expensive prostitute who offers to pay you to stop having sex with her so she can go home.
FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: Spice World Sound Track.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OR THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING: Im never awake, Im in a state of perpetual dreaming. On the occasion I do wake up, I think, Why am I peeing in the litter box. My cat was not happy.
ROLLER COASTERS-SCARY OR EXCITING: I wasnt scared of a roller coaster until it stopped in the middle of loop. We were hanging there for 10 hours waiting to be taken down. It was fun peeing upside down. Of course the mechanics and fire fighters didnt appreciate me using them as target practice. They blamed me for the delay. Ill take responsibility for the urine on their clothes, but they still have a duty to help those in need. I think it is sad that trained professionals cant handle a crisis situation. There is no excuse for it. Its pure laziness.
PEN OR PENCIL: I prefer my Penis. If I need to write something, Id write it in the snow.
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU HANG UP THE PHONE: 2 rings, then stop...call again, let it ring 3 times, hang up. On the third time let it ring once, hang up, and just walk way.
FUTURE SONS NAME: Frank TJ Mackey or Tyler Durden.
FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME: Frank TJ Mackey or Tyler Durden. I refuse to have a girl. Shell get over it.
FAVORITE FOODS: Whipped cream on hot sweaty flesh with honey and melted chocolate getting poured and licked off.
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: I killed them years ago. Clean your room! Go to bed. Put the knife down! WRONG! They were far too controlling.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: I like Vanilla Ice
FAVORITE ICE CREAM: Vanilla Ice, with white chocolate.
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS: Croutons, I dont dig on swine. A pig is a filthy animal with no personality.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS: Yes, my favorite is my Care Bears animal Lion Heart and my dog Eddie who died last year.
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR: They type of car that doesnt work, makes you become a slave to it by having to work two jobs to support the damn piece of shit.
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI: Ever time I eat broccoli, I think of poor Asian children who are starving and living in poverty. They search through garbage looking for anything to eat. I look at my broccoli, and feel repulsed by that thought. So I have to throw it away.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE: Blow jobs
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE: I am moving to Tibet to become a monk. I have no use for new hair colors. I must reach enlightenment by getting rid of all my possessions and shaving off my body hair.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: I was in love once, but she broke up with me, and turned into a gay feminist.
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM: Angelic symbols and pornography.
ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS : My right arm was blown off during the war.
IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE: The Ho
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED: Two Cadavers, an inflatable date, and my high school year book of 96.
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR: A reliable one
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON(S) WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: I love all your teeth.
PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: I hope that they dont waste their time reading it because I feel the last 30 minutes of filling out this questionnaire has failed to get me closer to enlightenment. Nor has it fulfilled any desire but to pass the time away as my insomnia takes full control of my life. If you think any less of me through my answers, you can go fuck yourself while my growing apathy continues to dominate my desire for sleep.*
*No one was harmed in the process of filling out this form. This is meant for satirical purposes only. Non of it is to be taken literally. If you feel outraged by these statements, then you can write a letter to the Swiss Government with your concerns.
i've filled out a couple of those questioners. occasionally there is a question on it that makes me think, but mostly they are an exercise to improve my typing skills