Tomorrow I have my job interview for the corrections officer gig. I don't want it and the only reason I'm going is to appease my dad. I pretty consistently go along with his ideas, but he still considers me to be selfish and ungrateful.
Yeah, maybe I am. I don't know. I'm not really the type to say thank you after every meal or even tell relatives I love them (unless I hate them and don't mean it at all), but I always figured that I was being a good son by never asking for anything from anyone, ever (except tickets to Boston and Seattle, but that's only recently and I fly free anyway). I certainly never asked my Dad for anything except for, now, a second chance with college.
He thinks I'm too emotionally unstable to go back, though, and says that I should deal with my problems first. I think the fact that I'm eager to face up to and overcome my college failure and depression instead of immaturely running from it and hiding out in Boston along with the fact that I'm not currently depressed is, at the very least, a good start.
Besides that, how's pacing back and forth past a row of minor drug offenders in cages supposed to help me? Oh yeah, he also says I could go to Iraq instead. Yeah, thanks Dad. I recognize the fact that he doesn't need to pay for part of my college education and certainly doesn't owe me anything, but he could at least be nice and supportive to me instead of telling me how stupid and self-centered I'm being. I mean I open up to him about what I was feeling during the past semester when I was full of self-hatred and melancholy and how I'm sorry I didn't feel comfortable sharing my feelings with him and he's all like, "Well what do you expect me to do? Get all teary and emotional with you?" Jesus, at least pretend to be interested in creating a dialogue with me.
At least he was nice enough to ask the pastor to pray for me and request that God let us all know what I should do with myself in the coming months. Course, then he tells me that the prison guard thing is the best plan as soon as we get home. When did God talk to him? During the 20 minutes he spent criticizing my driving? Or maybe the whole prayer thing was just a passive aggressive way of telling me to come to my senses. Yeah, I'm sure God loves that.
So anyway, college this fall is iffy. My mom (and step-dad, maybe) wants me to go and I might have a cheap place to live lined up. I could always take out loans and such like a normal, unprivileged individual if my parents are unwilling or unable to support me. I think they make too much for me to qualify for aid so long as I'm a dependent. Getting to college without their support would be a hassle, especially since my dad wrecked my mom's old car (which she left for me to practice driving on and then own once I had my license) and I have no goddamn friends in the area. Shit, I probably wouldn't even bother.
Anyway, fuck my dad and his two fucking houses. That's my rant.
Yeah, maybe I am. I don't know. I'm not really the type to say thank you after every meal or even tell relatives I love them (unless I hate them and don't mean it at all), but I always figured that I was being a good son by never asking for anything from anyone, ever (except tickets to Boston and Seattle, but that's only recently and I fly free anyway). I certainly never asked my Dad for anything except for, now, a second chance with college.
He thinks I'm too emotionally unstable to go back, though, and says that I should deal with my problems first. I think the fact that I'm eager to face up to and overcome my college failure and depression instead of immaturely running from it and hiding out in Boston along with the fact that I'm not currently depressed is, at the very least, a good start.
Besides that, how's pacing back and forth past a row of minor drug offenders in cages supposed to help me? Oh yeah, he also says I could go to Iraq instead. Yeah, thanks Dad. I recognize the fact that he doesn't need to pay for part of my college education and certainly doesn't owe me anything, but he could at least be nice and supportive to me instead of telling me how stupid and self-centered I'm being. I mean I open up to him about what I was feeling during the past semester when I was full of self-hatred and melancholy and how I'm sorry I didn't feel comfortable sharing my feelings with him and he's all like, "Well what do you expect me to do? Get all teary and emotional with you?" Jesus, at least pretend to be interested in creating a dialogue with me.
At least he was nice enough to ask the pastor to pray for me and request that God let us all know what I should do with myself in the coming months. Course, then he tells me that the prison guard thing is the best plan as soon as we get home. When did God talk to him? During the 20 minutes he spent criticizing my driving? Or maybe the whole prayer thing was just a passive aggressive way of telling me to come to my senses. Yeah, I'm sure God loves that.
So anyway, college this fall is iffy. My mom (and step-dad, maybe) wants me to go and I might have a cheap place to live lined up. I could always take out loans and such like a normal, unprivileged individual if my parents are unwilling or unable to support me. I think they make too much for me to qualify for aid so long as I'm a dependent. Getting to college without their support would be a hassle, especially since my dad wrecked my mom's old car (which she left for me to practice driving on and then own once I had my license) and I have no goddamn friends in the area. Shit, I probably wouldn't even bother.
Anyway, fuck my dad and his two fucking houses. That's my rant.
aeryn:
DO NOT TAKE THE JOB AS A PRISON GUARD! DO NOT GO TO IRAQ! You will be able to find a away to go to college...or do what YOU want with out your parents help or blessing. Really.