robosagogo

Apparently Alaska is where emotionally damaged men migrate to. And why not? If you're looking for solitude and a nice play to die, what better place to go than a barren snowscape (and you don't even need to change citizenship to move there!). But the habitat of the commitment phobic turbo-bachelor is threatened by the prospect of oil drilling. With all current sources of sweet, sweet petrol past their peak, those in power are feeling the pressure to find an alternative energy source so that civilization can continue on more or less unabated. This pressure is coming from the angel on the right shoulder which, according to sources within the White House including anonymous internet blogger $Bl1ng Bl1ng B1z00she$, is a "total pussy" and "shit-faced fag master". Instead, the GOP has opted to follow the advice of the being on the left shoulder who always knows what he's talking and, we're assured, only dresses up like a tiny devil for ironic purposes. This advice was something along the lines of "squeeze every last drop out of this shamelessly aquatic globe, make profits, and die in a bed of diamonds surrounded by your fat grandchildren". Opponents to the plan called it "really fucking insane" and "seriously, are you fucking insane?" These claims were dismissed as "too depressing" and "Are you trying to give Dick Cheney a heart attack? He has a gay daughter to support!" Alas, it seems as though the self-exiled men of Alaska will have no choice but to return to the United States and just admit they're gay, already. Seriously guys, we're cool with it. Jerry totally has an uncle who's gay. Dude, we could set you up with Jerry's uncle!


I'm so bored it should be a crime. Lame lame lame lame.