…and in the Beatles song lyrics the next line goes Sgt. Pepper Taught The Band To Play.
But for this blog I’m actually going back twenty years, to February 2nd 2004, in Baltimore Maryland.
The day that darkness overruled my sense of purpose and led me onto a railroad track to end my life. Context: I’d been awash with alcohol and drugs since being abused as a young child. Dabbling halfheartedly along the way in and out of rehabs, churches, social clubs, 12 step meetings, etc. All to no avail. But when my wife ran off with our preacher in 1986 my downward spiral took a very steep acceleration. Within a matter of a few years I was unemployable, drowning in debt, homeless, and consuming vast quantities of any drugs I could obtain by robbery, extortion, and even a short stint as a hit man for my dealer. On the evening of February 1st I knew I was in trouble. I oddly resurrected a moral conscience, and it was terrifying! No amount of liquid or chemical substances could momentarily cleanse me of my remorse, and I had the acute urge to end it all. The bar I was in closed and I was alone.
The bar sat adjacent to a freight line railroad track. Over time I had learned to approximate each train’s schedule. I knew one was due in less than an hour, crawled up to the rails, laid down and passed out, assuring myself this was the end.
The next thing I saw was bright sunshine and heard birds tweeting. I believed I had passed into heaven. All the morose feelings had vanished. Everything looked sort of the same, so I walked down to the local bodega for some water. It was there I learned that the train had derailed somewhere near Pittsburgh and never made it to where I laid. Realizing my incredibly good fortune I vowed right then to stop the drugs, kick the booze, and seek professional help to reboot my life.
With an abundance of help I never knew could ever exist I’m drug free and sober today. Do I recommend this path for anyone else mired in such deep despair…? HELL NO! I recall this story to highlight the fact that help is available even for the most extraordinary circumstances. Cut yourself a break, reach out, no matter how awkward it feels at first. Keep reaching out until it begins to make sense that your life can be benefited with just a simple change of perspective.
I recently suffered a cardiac arrest requiring open heart surgical correction. My doctors issued strong warnings to stop my occasional enjoyment of some puff, a craft brew, or shot of prime rye whiskey in my coffee that remained tacet leftovers of my past. I looked at the wake left in my life as a whole and agreed. Now I’m looking forward to my next twenty years! Things happen for the most unlikely coincidences. If you’re down, reach out, get up and live a beautiful life ☮️
🎶 and so to continue with the Beatles mantra, here is the Spotify playlist of Sgt Pepper and A Little Help From My Fiends Twenty years ago today
🛑👉 p.s. there are numerous agencies and help lines available throughout the world for anyone struggling with life ending ideations… here in US dial or text 988 from any phone or computer, other options exist in other countries 🫶🏻
