All day long, I've been composing a letter to the shitty drivers of Jacksonville. I'm not saying all drivers in Jacksonville are shitty, but that their shitty ones are particularly awful. It started out like this:
"Dear Shitty Jacksonville Drivers,
I want to explain why my left or right head lights and tail lights sometimes blink repititiously. It's called a turn signal. I use it to let you know that I'm going to turn or that I'm going to change lanes. Pay attention and soon you'll be able to guess what my next move is. There is usually a bar you can push up or down to turn this turn signal on. I would fully appreciate it if you would learn how to use yours. That way I can stay out of your way. Wouldn't that be great?!!!
Today, at a light, I had my left turn signal blinking. That meant I needed to turn to the left, which is harder than turning to the right. You have to wait for the cars coming the other way to have a big enough gap for you to safely pass between them. You honked at me repeatedly because I refused to turn left into another vehicle. I realize you might have been in a rush but, as courteous as I try to be while driving, I think putting my life and the lives of my two small children might be overdoing it. Also, an accident at a busy intersection is known to slow traffic down not speed it up.
This brings me to another point. Often, when I'm driving on Beach Blvd., you will try to cross all six lanes of traffic with cars racing right at you. This means we all have to slam on our breaks so that we don't crash into. This happens so often in fact, that we're having to get our two front tires replaced very prematurely. I'm spending a lot of money so that you don't have to pay attention to what the fuck is going on around you.
If I'm already going 10 to 15 miles over the limit and the rest of traffic is slower than me, I'm speeding. We all speed once in a while. If you're the asshole riding my ass, honking at me, and passing me all while flipping me off.....odds are you have a problem which will probably be solved soon at court mandated traffic school. I hope you make some friends there and share this letter.
I know four way stops can be confusing, so I'll try to explain it as best as I can. A four stop is a point where two roads intersect without a light and there are stop signs on all four sides of the intersection. This is not the signal for a game of chicken. It's first stop, first go. If you can count, this shouldn't be a problem for you. If you can't count (which may very well be true), you should go back to kindergarten. Odds are you'll have more fun there than you will at traffic school.
Shitty drivers driving big cars like SUV's, pickup trucks, and the like need to understand that they don't have special privileges. Just because you probably wouldn't get a dent if you trompled a normal car killing everyone in it, doesn't mean you should drive like you don't care if that happens. Also, remember that the rest of us can't see around you. When you're going to turn left and are sitting in the left turn lane and we're turning right and are sitting in the right turn lane, we have a hard time seeing the oncoming traffic. You will make it impossible to see if you inch up in front of us everytime we try to see around you. Stop doing that. Now.
Lastly, the grassy area between the exit ramp and the interstate is NOT a second chance merge lane. Most of us aren't expecting traffic to be coming at us from off of the road, so you will likely cause an accident. If you exit and you didn't mean to, you can get back on the interstate in a safer fashion. It may take longer, but again accidents tend to make traffic even slower than slight detours.
I know I've said a lot and it may take more brain power than you have to remember all of this, but try. And, don't feel too bad. At least you're not as shitty as the shitty drivers in New Orleans.
Sincerely,
The Blue Honda Whose Ass You Are Riding"
"Dear Shitty Jacksonville Drivers,
I want to explain why my left or right head lights and tail lights sometimes blink repititiously. It's called a turn signal. I use it to let you know that I'm going to turn or that I'm going to change lanes. Pay attention and soon you'll be able to guess what my next move is. There is usually a bar you can push up or down to turn this turn signal on. I would fully appreciate it if you would learn how to use yours. That way I can stay out of your way. Wouldn't that be great?!!!
Today, at a light, I had my left turn signal blinking. That meant I needed to turn to the left, which is harder than turning to the right. You have to wait for the cars coming the other way to have a big enough gap for you to safely pass between them. You honked at me repeatedly because I refused to turn left into another vehicle. I realize you might have been in a rush but, as courteous as I try to be while driving, I think putting my life and the lives of my two small children might be overdoing it. Also, an accident at a busy intersection is known to slow traffic down not speed it up.
This brings me to another point. Often, when I'm driving on Beach Blvd., you will try to cross all six lanes of traffic with cars racing right at you. This means we all have to slam on our breaks so that we don't crash into. This happens so often in fact, that we're having to get our two front tires replaced very prematurely. I'm spending a lot of money so that you don't have to pay attention to what the fuck is going on around you.
If I'm already going 10 to 15 miles over the limit and the rest of traffic is slower than me, I'm speeding. We all speed once in a while. If you're the asshole riding my ass, honking at me, and passing me all while flipping me off.....odds are you have a problem which will probably be solved soon at court mandated traffic school. I hope you make some friends there and share this letter.
I know four way stops can be confusing, so I'll try to explain it as best as I can. A four stop is a point where two roads intersect without a light and there are stop signs on all four sides of the intersection. This is not the signal for a game of chicken. It's first stop, first go. If you can count, this shouldn't be a problem for you. If you can't count (which may very well be true), you should go back to kindergarten. Odds are you'll have more fun there than you will at traffic school.
Shitty drivers driving big cars like SUV's, pickup trucks, and the like need to understand that they don't have special privileges. Just because you probably wouldn't get a dent if you trompled a normal car killing everyone in it, doesn't mean you should drive like you don't care if that happens. Also, remember that the rest of us can't see around you. When you're going to turn left and are sitting in the left turn lane and we're turning right and are sitting in the right turn lane, we have a hard time seeing the oncoming traffic. You will make it impossible to see if you inch up in front of us everytime we try to see around you. Stop doing that. Now.
Lastly, the grassy area between the exit ramp and the interstate is NOT a second chance merge lane. Most of us aren't expecting traffic to be coming at us from off of the road, so you will likely cause an accident. If you exit and you didn't mean to, you can get back on the interstate in a safer fashion. It may take longer, but again accidents tend to make traffic even slower than slight detours.
I know I've said a lot and it may take more brain power than you have to remember all of this, but try. And, don't feel too bad. At least you're not as shitty as the shitty drivers in New Orleans.
Sincerely,
The Blue Honda Whose Ass You Are Riding"
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I live in MA, home to the worst drivers in the world, outside of Europe. I'm not originally from here, so it took getting used to. Here even stoplights have a different meaning.
Green is go, as usual.
Yellow is; "What the hell are you stopping for, it's freaking yellow"!!
Red is; "One more, come on, ONE MORE!!"
And wouldn't you know, if it's not a SUV, it's always somebody driving a piece of shit car. Like the ones you see on 'Pimp My Ride'.