roaring_tulips

Do I sound evil if I say that I'd be happier if my ex-husband would just drop off the face of the Earth? He's really pissing me off lately. He just keeps pushing and pushing and pushing me. Our daughters have been stuck on Tricare Prime as their insurance and that meant they could only go to the hospital at NAS JAX for their medical needs. It's a truly horrible place and has been sued for quite a bit for letting a baby die in the ER waiting room because they never even let him into triage. According to the autopsy, if he had actually received help there would have been no reason for him to die. It's really sad. So, not wanting to have to take my daughters on a 45 minute journey to a hospital guilty of neglect in the case of an emergency AND my oldest daughter recently having been diagnosed as autistic...I decided they should have their insurance switched to standard so that they could be giving adequate medical care and actually see specialists if necessary. Only one problem, my ex has to do it according to our divorce contract...since it's legal obligation to handle their insurance. He didn't want to do it. Why? Because with standard, there's a co-pay. I promised him I would handle the co-pay and he'd never hear about it again, but he still didn't want to do it. He was afraid I'd stick him with a bill. I explained that I felt the girls needed better care and that a 45 minute trip to Hell Hospital in an emergency might be dangerous. He didn't care. Finally, he grudgingly obliged because I badgered him with "So, you're willing to chance the death of your daughters rather than there being an off chance that I might foot you with a $20 co-pay? Wow, what a great father!"

I got Maddie her annual check up this week (which the Navy Hospital had refused to do because she was up to date with her vaccinations) and the doctor felt I should look into a child psychologist to help with Maddie's behavioral problems and night terrors. I have to check this with the insurance, but I'm sure it won't be a problem. My ex called this morning. I told him how Maddie's visit went. When, I told him about looking into a psychologist, he fumed that she didn't need one...blah, blah, blah. I explained that this would help me figure out how to raise an autistic child better and that this would only be beneficial. He was still upset and then he brought up that he wanted Madeleine for her birthday...again. He doesn't want to just visit her on her birthday. He wants to take her and her sister on a 6 hour trip to his parents house for a week, covering her birthday. Sorry, no. He already gets them for a lot of holidays and I nearly die I miss them so much. I'm not giving up Maddie for her 4th birthday, especially when I'm trying to plan something special for her. I told him he could take the girls to his parent's that month, but not over her birthday. He bitched and moaned about that. Then he asked if it would be okay if he dropped them off on her birthday. No. Then, he finally relented and said "Would the first week of September be okay?" I told him that Madeleine was starting a special pre-K program in August and she needed some time to adjust to the change, so late September would be better. "But I want them in early September!" he whined. I tried to patiently explain "Jason, Madeleine is autistic. This is a huge change for her and huge changes for autistic children are a pretty big deal. We need to handle this sensitively. It takes her a long time to get used to these changes. This is important." His reply "Well, it's important that she gets to see me too!" I again, very patiently tried to reason with him "Jason, that's true. It is. But, it's more important that she gets time to adjust to pre-K than it is that she gets to see you two or three weeks earlier than I'm offering." Basically, he just bitched and moaned some more and then complained that we didn't answer the phone when he called on Father's Day. He didn't let me know he was going to call on Father's Day and we were rather busy that day doing chores and running errands. Then, he hung up.

Here's my problem. I'm trying to be understanding of him. I'm trying to be a good person. I'm trying not to be the crazy, unreasonable, argumentative ex-wife that you see in dramas about children caught between two parents. But, he makes it so damn hard. Penny, my youngest, can hardly stand him because he's all in her face and demanding affection...which she doesn't ever go for. Madeleine is autistic and he refuses to believe it because he feels he'll look like a bad parent if his daughter isn't perfect. He refuses to try to even understand autism. He makes a lot of demands from me and refuses to help out unless I bully him into it. He gets them every other Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. He gets them for two weeks during the summer. But, he still wants more...despite the fact that long ass car trips to Georgia are hard on them. He has lied to me about where he's taking them to stay when he has them. To cut this list short, he's being a dickhead. But, according to our contract the only thing he's done wrong is not get them dental insurance. And, he keeps threatening to sue me if I don't let him take the girls to Georgia during times when he doesn't have custody (like birthdays). My husband (their step-father who they love) thinks I shouldn't give him anything more than the contract allows, but I keep thinking "I don't want to be the bitch that denies a father his right to see his chidlren." But, my husband's sort of right...my ex just isn't doing his part and everytime the girls come back they cling to me like they were afraid they'd never see me again. They cry when he drives them away. It's taken me months to get Penny to the point where she doesn't start bawling when I leave the room. WTF should I do?