Last night, I had this dream that this really cute blond girl and I were making out. I didn't feel any lust at all for her, but I sort of decided in this dream that I must be bisexual. However, I told the girl "Look, let's not tell John. He'd be waaaaaaaaaay too happy about this." So, I'm beginning to wonder. Am I bi, bi-curious, or am I just wishing that I was bi so that my husband would be happier?
I've wondered about my sexuality a lot over the years, but I've always decided "No, I am just so fucking in love with the male body, I can't even imagine feeling anything this close for a girl." More women than men hit on me. I've always known I'd get laid a lot more if I were into women. Then, during my divorce (partially out of revenge and partially because I wondered if a woman would be gentler with my emotions) I tried to see if I could go the distance with a woman. I knew a bi woman who was married to a man in the military. They used to be neighbors. She was interested and I kind of led her on. But, I just couldn't do it in the end. The thought of having sex with her was sickening...but she was sort of obese and sloppy too.
I admire female beauty quite a bit. I love doing nude artwork of women, because I just positively believe in the sanctity of a woman's body. I even have strong opinions about whether I believe a woman's beautiful or not. I'm also starting to think that I had a bit of a crush on this girl named Jane from Siberia who was in my A.P. Art Studio class way back in highschool. She was sort of my muse. I couldn't stop painting her. I adored her nose and rounded feet. But, I never did anything other than befriend her and use her as a model a lot.
So, now I'm wondering about my sexuality. I would never cheat on my husband. I also probably wouldn't have a threesome, because I am way to insecure in relationships and this would probably just destroy our marriage. So, even if I figure out this whole thing, I won't ever act on it. What's bothering me is that I don't want to be sexually attracted to women. But, I'm pretty sure this is because that would mean John was right about something (he's certain I'm bi) and he'll act very superior around me forever afterwards.
I've wondered about my sexuality a lot over the years, but I've always decided "No, I am just so fucking in love with the male body, I can't even imagine feeling anything this close for a girl." More women than men hit on me. I've always known I'd get laid a lot more if I were into women. Then, during my divorce (partially out of revenge and partially because I wondered if a woman would be gentler with my emotions) I tried to see if I could go the distance with a woman. I knew a bi woman who was married to a man in the military. They used to be neighbors. She was interested and I kind of led her on. But, I just couldn't do it in the end. The thought of having sex with her was sickening...but she was sort of obese and sloppy too.
I admire female beauty quite a bit. I love doing nude artwork of women, because I just positively believe in the sanctity of a woman's body. I even have strong opinions about whether I believe a woman's beautiful or not. I'm also starting to think that I had a bit of a crush on this girl named Jane from Siberia who was in my A.P. Art Studio class way back in highschool. She was sort of my muse. I couldn't stop painting her. I adored her nose and rounded feet. But, I never did anything other than befriend her and use her as a model a lot.
So, now I'm wondering about my sexuality. I would never cheat on my husband. I also probably wouldn't have a threesome, because I am way to insecure in relationships and this would probably just destroy our marriage. So, even if I figure out this whole thing, I won't ever act on it. What's bothering me is that I don't want to be sexually attracted to women. But, I'm pretty sure this is because that would mean John was right about something (he's certain I'm bi) and he'll act very superior around me forever afterwards.
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I wondered the same things as you at one point. But I know I'm not...I just think women are beautiful. But I could never do anything with another female.
I've kissed a few other girls before but just out of pure fun. It never leads to feelings or excitement that makes me want to be with them.
Even if you were bi, you're still in a committed relationship and I don't think it would effect you much. You'd still be the same person. But I hope for your own sake you figure out who you are and what your feelings really are. It'll help you grow as a person and discover yourself.