With apologies to zero1....
26 Qualities I'll Look For In A Man:
1. Likes to make fun of terms like "screamo."
2. Owns at least one broken digital watch.
3. Has hair. Even just a little fuzz on the sides is fine.
4. Still has his all his old WWF action figures.
5. Makes jokes at the expense of others.
6. Can imitate accents.
7. Says he likes my tattoos, but secretly thinks they're stupid.
8. Puts time and effort into looking like he doesn't give a shit how he looks.
9. Never gets in fights. If he feels threatened, he runs away screaming like an 8-year-old girl.
10. Wears glasses with tape on the bridge to hold them together.
11. Owns at least one pair each of the following (red mittens, acid-washed jeans, briefs that are saggy in the butt)
12. Has x-ray vision. Or says he does.
13. Must be willing to watch me play video games, and get me beer.
14. Must play the kazoo.
15. MUST like patting my head.
16. Must be willing to pose for drawings, even if he has to hold still for an hour while I work on getting the nose right.
17. Has to at least tolerate Tiny Tim and Maurice Chevalier.
18. Must like crayons, construction paper, dinosaurs, and playing in the sandbox.
19. Must be relatively odor-free.
20. Must be willing to mock religion, art, philosophy, music, etc.
21. Must be fine with being near me when I haven't showered for a week.
22. Must hate children (or secretly like them, but pretend that he hates them).
23. Must be willing to coerce me into sexual relations with him on the first date.
24. Has a voice that goes all squeaky sometimes, and closes his eyes when he laughs.
25. Must be honest enough to point out my faults, but then get angry when I point out his.
26. Must honestly find me attractive (even when I'm convulsing on the floor, pretending to have a seizure).
(tomorrow: 26 Qualities I'll Look For In A Fabric Softener)
26 Qualities I'll Look For In A Man:
1. Likes to make fun of terms like "screamo."
2. Owns at least one broken digital watch.
3. Has hair. Even just a little fuzz on the sides is fine.
4. Still has his all his old WWF action figures.
5. Makes jokes at the expense of others.
6. Can imitate accents.
7. Says he likes my tattoos, but secretly thinks they're stupid.
8. Puts time and effort into looking like he doesn't give a shit how he looks.
9. Never gets in fights. If he feels threatened, he runs away screaming like an 8-year-old girl.
10. Wears glasses with tape on the bridge to hold them together.
11. Owns at least one pair each of the following (red mittens, acid-washed jeans, briefs that are saggy in the butt)
12. Has x-ray vision. Or says he does.
13. Must be willing to watch me play video games, and get me beer.
14. Must play the kazoo.
15. MUST like patting my head.
16. Must be willing to pose for drawings, even if he has to hold still for an hour while I work on getting the nose right.
17. Has to at least tolerate Tiny Tim and Maurice Chevalier.
18. Must like crayons, construction paper, dinosaurs, and playing in the sandbox.
19. Must be relatively odor-free.
20. Must be willing to mock religion, art, philosophy, music, etc.
21. Must be fine with being near me when I haven't showered for a week.
22. Must hate children (or secretly like them, but pretend that he hates them).
23. Must be willing to coerce me into sexual relations with him on the first date.
24. Has a voice that goes all squeaky sometimes, and closes his eyes when he laughs.
25. Must be honest enough to point out my faults, but then get angry when I point out his.
26. Must honestly find me attractive (even when I'm convulsing on the floor, pretending to have a seizure).
(tomorrow: 26 Qualities I'll Look For In A Fabric Softener)
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
lenore:
haha! You're absolutely right! 2% milk DOES taste like a bag of hell, although I think it also has a hint of Avril Levigne.
keith:
Rock! I'll pencil you in for... Thursday? Sound good? Have your people call my people.