okay. i've got a few big journal entries brewing in me right now. in the meantime here's this:
walter sear will you marry me? or at least love me. this man knows what I want to know. with that in mind I've been doing some major thinking on the state of my life: if you want something, go and get it.
the last six months of my life have proven to provide me with some major emotional developments. realizing that I can mesh who I am with who I want to be more easily than I thought. so in coming full cirlcle and slowly coming back to good health I can now see more clearly all the ways in which my life has changed, and how surprisingly it's a lot more like it was when I was much younger than any other time. ... and a few major developments very much out of left field have sort of shocked me into a state of potential action. for example:
-un-adventurous, stay-at-home-wait-for-the-phone me is about to embark on a spontaneous drive to lethbridge for the night chasing a cute boy and his band... though I'm being very much prompted by andy and erin, I think under my current circumstances it's a worthwhile endeavour.
-much less immediate, but still out of charachter for me, I'm going to go to montreal. a weekend with zoe taking me out and sharing our thoughts on eachother's lives will be perfect... and like I said before, since my state of affairs is so similar to places I've been in my past, including zoe in some of my trasformations seems like the ideal way to keep on truckin' - as they say.
-if I want to be in new york, why the fuck not be in new york? seriously. I shouldn't be sitting here feeling hearbroken everytime I watch friends or sienfeld or sex and the city, I should be making plans to get myself where I want to be... I have some cover letters to write.
being the underdog is a great kick in the pants sometimes. I ain't no underdog. or at least I ain't never gonna let myself feel like one. so here I go. on my way.
... scared? yes. feeling like it's all wrong? yes. but who cares. nihilism seems more appropriate than analysis right now.
walter sear will you marry me? or at least love me. this man knows what I want to know. with that in mind I've been doing some major thinking on the state of my life: if you want something, go and get it.
the last six months of my life have proven to provide me with some major emotional developments. realizing that I can mesh who I am with who I want to be more easily than I thought. so in coming full cirlcle and slowly coming back to good health I can now see more clearly all the ways in which my life has changed, and how surprisingly it's a lot more like it was when I was much younger than any other time. ... and a few major developments very much out of left field have sort of shocked me into a state of potential action. for example:
-un-adventurous, stay-at-home-wait-for-the-phone me is about to embark on a spontaneous drive to lethbridge for the night chasing a cute boy and his band... though I'm being very much prompted by andy and erin, I think under my current circumstances it's a worthwhile endeavour.
-much less immediate, but still out of charachter for me, I'm going to go to montreal. a weekend with zoe taking me out and sharing our thoughts on eachother's lives will be perfect... and like I said before, since my state of affairs is so similar to places I've been in my past, including zoe in some of my trasformations seems like the ideal way to keep on truckin' - as they say.
-if I want to be in new york, why the fuck not be in new york? seriously. I shouldn't be sitting here feeling hearbroken everytime I watch friends or sienfeld or sex and the city, I should be making plans to get myself where I want to be... I have some cover letters to write.
being the underdog is a great kick in the pants sometimes. I ain't no underdog. or at least I ain't never gonna let myself feel like one. so here I go. on my way.
... scared? yes. feeling like it's all wrong? yes. but who cares. nihilism seems more appropriate than analysis right now.
i'm still betting that walter sear would take you in even without your proposal... but hell, i guess it couldn't hurt.
...okay, so i just looked at his picture... and maybe it would hurt. blech.
it's good that you'll be having fun tonight. when you get an idea in your head, it takes a hell of a lot to stop you. that lucky boy has no idea...