the mystery & allure of random intersecting lives ... where do they come from - where are they going. always in motion. each a tree rooted in the fertile soil of the spirit spreading outwards and up. the young southasian woman swimming in the lane beside mine. delicate cocoa skin, coarse black hair spilling in rebellious strands from... Read More
I felt a 50 ft wave wash over me - it is subsiding now perhaps due to the Klonopin
speculations: alcohol was working at moderating my symptoms. a crude inefficient and sporadically ineffective drug. it was like taking a cudgel to my unquiet mind. the more violence in that department the better - or so it felt - stunning the onslaught of tidal washes of... Read More
my soul is blistered from the last salvo of exams, but the worst is over and Summer beckons ... and an interesting Summer it promises to be!
good friends of mine are through-hiking the Appalachian Trail from West Virginia to Maine - I'll be accompanying them through portions of Vermont. on top of that an SG friend from New Zealand (... Read More
Thanks. Revised somewhat, you'll find it at typepad, too. I'm glad I started dreaming about something other than my stressful dayjob, at leas. I figured out how to put the pix on my pages, so I'm all over it, now. I thought my subscription here actually ran out before now. ??? Anyway, I will make the shift, if for no other reason than that I can't quite stomach the thought that my 12-year-old son knows there is something unsavory (kept secret) about the site I blog on. Call me old-fashioned, but I care very much that he regard women . . . well, not primarily as pleasure objects.
I think that was honestly the best advice I've ever got about this. I don't know how you allways manage to say things in so beautiful way that it shows you have loads of emotional intelligence.
I'm gonna try to cut her out of my conciousness...feel better allready
Ah, sorry. Your comment about the Territories reminded me of their collaboration The Talisman.
I agree re community and the quality of the membership. (Not that I spend time online anywhere else, mind...) And about the pics, as well; they are secondary.
Academies are not for everyone; non-academies are not for everyone; non-everyone is not for academies; everybody's academies are for somebody's; somebody's academies are for nobody's.....................
I should only be away a month or two, something like that. And when I come back I think I'll be making myself minimal.
Today, I'd settle for relief from my bosslady. Too long and mundane of a story to spew altogether into this "hallowed" space, but I was called in and reprimanded for sending her a somewhat harsh email last week and cc'ing her boss on it. She told me I needed to stand back and think about the tone of my emails before I sent them. I said, "I did. I knew I would get in trouble for jumping chain of command, and it was worth it." She is conciliatory to an extreme, and when I go to her with a problem, she "asks" whether it is something I'm doing, instead of moving to solve the problem. So I laid it out for her phoniness today, because I cannot keep working nights and weekends to compensate for the procedural inefficiences. Funny thing is, the 3 managers and director spent their own "strategy" meeting on my issue today, and now the inefficiencies are being seriously investigated for redress in six different areas. If people keep rewarding me for being a straight-shooting asshole, no telling what might happen. Maybe they are all afraid of me, too, huh? I noticed her hands were shaking; that's when I relaxed and nailed her every evasion to plainspoken daylight. I told her I was honest; she said no one had ever called her integrity into question; I said I wasn't calling her integrity into question but was calling her directness into question.
The terror is always there for me, too, even in a mundane office setting where people may well be more afraid of me than I realize. My father died on me, and, ever since, I'm terrified I'll lose everything, any minute now . . .
every morning I walk down into the city to find its brave smiling face and beating heart. beggars spooked by their own shadow - the shallow pools of their eyes speaking pain & loss. a transvestite strolling down state street like a rare... Read More
yesterday:
the stillness of the city on a Saturday morning. black men joyously greeting one another. the breeze in my face filled with the promise of Spring - birdsong dancing in the air. waiting for my bike to get back from the shop - the exhilarating feeling of pushing yourself through space
today:
buses trundle through the grey wakening city - the pulse of life... Read More
sorry i haven't been keeping up. i don't spend that much time here anymore. thanks for all your wonderful comments. and i apreciated the Hughes poem. as for habiits and remedies; i have dropped anything serious and now cling only to the smelly and banal addiction of menthol cigarettes. (hopefully to be traded soon) anyway, i hope this finds you well, and that you continue in Fate's favor. thanks again. --john
I'm glad you are still here. I miss you.
~cheers
"Complicated decline" is exactly right.