redmess

so what do i do? i'm fucking wasted and i have to be at work for a buyer's meeting at 6:45.
this morning i woke up -it was more like afternoon since i was rolling out of bed at 1- only to discover i've bled all over my favorite panties. and my sheets.
i've been reading foxfire. skinning raccoons, moonshinen, log cabin building, faith healing, basket weaving. shit like that. so what would aunt ari have done?
boiled some water, most likely, and scrubbed that shit with her homemade lard and lye soap. un-perfumed, of course.

i go to the bathroom to find my diva cup and it's nowhere to be found. i have no feminine products of any kind and the closest drug store is 12 blocks away. it's 33 degrees outside. and i've got to let the dog out to pee before i can walk to walgreens.
then i blow my nose and one of my nose rings breaks.

so i've been trying guys. really hard. i got here. set up house, got a job. have slowly been re-integrating into square society. i chit chat with customers, buy groceries, and pay my bills on time. and i feel like a damn imposter.
a homeless woman came in to sell clothes the other day and she looked into my face and told me that i need to tell people and the world my truths. that i need to share what i have inside me.
i ride the bus and always walk straight to the back with the homeless men, the gang banging school-ditchers, and the other riff raff. on the bus i can feel the curious glances in my direction. what is this fire-headed gringa doing?. the albuquerque public transit is still just emerging. not a place for mainstream society, yet.
when i was in LA, i was walking home form taking the bus to beverly hills. i walked into a corner store to buy a gallon of water (do not drink the water there!!!). i went up to the counter to purchase my THREE DOLLAR gallon of water and a homeless black man turned to me and said "you sure like hearts and things and dont ya. fire, too." i was wearing a big, chunky necklace with a heart medallion, plus both my heart tattoos were showing. i was like yeah, ya know. i really do.
then he said, "i tell most people to keep the faith. i'm gonna tell you to keep the loooooove."
i giggled and said thank you and you do the same. it had been a long day of disappointments and disgusts at my surroundings and heat and exhaust fumes of walking the streets of hollywood and reading news articles about the dangers presented by the terrible air quality of building schools near freeways. i was so lost and torn and indifferent about waking up in the morning. but i was so warmed by this man's words.
it was later that afternoon that i callled my mom and had the nervous breakdown that led to my escape from la la land.

so what am i trying to get across here?
i feel so much more at home with the crazies, the vagrants, the squatters, the riff raff. i don't agree with the society the western world has created. career, success, money, disposibility of invention, cars, and pollution.
landfills.
it's cheaper to buy a new printer than replace the ink cartridge. to keep up with the jones' this xmas every family needs an HD tv with gargantuan dimensions, and a new ipod for all their fucking kids. and all those lead infested toys from china, and banana republiccaahhshmere, dahling.


fuck you.

fuck you.
and you, too.


how about giving a little. how about showing your children some of the worlds headlines.



i mean, i guess we as americunts gotta keep spending to somehow assuage the falling value of the almighty US dollar. to somehow reverse the full-motherfucking-on recession we are slipping towards.

oh fuck it.
i can't fucking wait till the shit hits the motherfucken fan.
you people will be so fucked. and i'll be skipping through the wreckage. giggling at the anarchy, the blood, broken glass, fires, and smoke. what will you have then?
i'll be leading armies of your orphans. and will give this world and the human race the rebirth it so desperately needs.


the soul remains in any state. reality, death, life, the cosmos, the grave, tomb, and catacombs, dreams, the sun, moon, fucken oceans, and nebulas.
the soul remains the sole remains.

but what will you motherfuckers have when your only concerns are xmas wishlists, investments and securities, stocks and bonds, raping the planet of it's resources, bombing to smithereens the infrastructures and people of foreign countries that the people in your own land couldn't locate on a map, the label on your jeans, the make of your vehicle, the completion on your generic motherfucken sleeve, the punk rockness of your haircut, the accuracy of the order of your bastardized beyond recognition starbucks "coffee" beverage.
you better get in touch with some substance.

the "world" is what we have created. we the bacterial virus. material and malignant.
the earth is what will remain.
it's only a matter of time.
where and in what state will your soul be when the insustainable has become unsustained?

fuck their laws, fuck their institutions, fuck their borders, fuck their imperialistic banks, their wars, their words, their ballots and polls, their media....
everything is an illusion
love is the only reality




love.




love. love love love.

go out and inhale. the rosemary, woodsmoke, and the chill in the air are divine. the moon is a sliver of magic that you could reach up and pull down to kiss if you really wanted too.
look into the eyes of your neighbor in the morning and greet them with a smile. tell your children and partner and mother you love them.
touch the evergreens and inhale the essence it leaves to your fingers so generously. look into the sky and notice the formation of the clouds. there is a message there written just for you. if you stop to think, ponder, decipher, you're day will benefit from it.
breathe. reflect. live in gratitude.
we are so blessed, live in such excess, and with such daily convenience.
think about what it will be like to not climb into your car for the morning commute, turn the knob on the tap for instantly hot water, or sit for hours in front of the tv, or the computer monitor, chuckling at lolcats, wanking to porn, chatting flirtatiously with people who are not your girlfriends, boyfriends.


i gotta go catch my bus. i know i'm mainly preaching to the choir here but the substances consumed give rise to diarrhea of the mind.
i feel a little better now.

over and out, my friends.