I've realized that when it comes to certain ladies on the site (SGs or SGHs, alike), I feel kind of... weird(?) seeing them bare all now. That's not me saying I find anyone less attractive, please don't misunderstand. I just feel when it comes to some ladies, even though I pay for a membership, and they enjoy modeling for the sets, that I have not earned the right to see some of them nude.
I realize to the majority of people reading this, it sounds like I have a crazy mental disorder.
I also am a person that didn't flock to "the fappening" to see the leaked nude pictures stolen from personal storage sites of celebrities. I just feel that indulging on that impulse, feels icky. Certainly, without the encouragement or consent of the ladies in the photos it isn't right anyways, but there's something else that triggers uncomfortable feelings that I'm hoping there's a reasonable explanation to it all.
For as long as I can remember, I have not been visually attracted to "the girl next door". It probably has to do with how I was raised. My mother was a retired prostitute, and my Father was a snitch for law enforcement. Needless to say, the people they surrounded themselves with as I was growing up did not appear to be the white picket fence neighbors.
I went to my first Biker rally in NH when I was 12. I was always an excellent mannered child, but not extremely social. I was really awkward. I didn't have many friends my own age, nor did I seek out role models. I often found comfort in conversing with adults that were outside my parent's social circles. I've met some very interesting people.
One of my earliest crushes was this girl I met in NH that summer. She was the new bride of a Biker from my Stepdad's motorcycle club. She was 19 (he was in his early 50's). She was covered throat to ankles in tattoos. That weekend she taught me how to tighten up my baseball swing, how to throw a curveball, and how to start a car with manual transmission. The Biker gals and guys called her "Rella", but her given name was Cinderella. I was allowed to call her Cindy, like the rest of civilization did.
That weekend I learned more from her about how the world works, how to treat a lady, proper etiquette, and how shitty social tolerances were dividing society based on what we view with our eyes rather than what we feel with our hearts. These are things I wish very much that my parents taught me, but I'm grateful to have picked them up somewhere along my life.
So... after NH, for weeks I raved about my weekend with the boys, but mostly with Cindy. My mother was not a fan. Cindy was a young, liberated, pretty, and a loyal servant to her husband. My mother would try and tear Cindy's image down any time I built it up. She was negative about her tattoos, the fact Cindy elected to marry an old man, the idea that she'd call like once a month just to talk to ME. She even made up her own brand of propaganda to sway my opinion of her.
After my Mother and Stepfather divorced, I was not allowed to talk to Cindy again. I was told she was a negative influence on me, she was an awful person, she was a druggie, and that she took her clothes off for money. None of that phased me. The thing that really bothered me was when she said that Cindy told people didn't want her best friend to be a kid (Something I found out was never said).
So, my Mother's (negative) opinion of people really opened my eyes to the world, and how narrow our entire view of minor differences can shape our relationships with any other individual on the planet. I realized that the people that my parents were, are the people I don't want to become, or even associate with. The people I was raised to stay away from, (for the most part) have been the most loyal, caring, honest, and truly beautiful people I have had the privilege of meeting.
That's why Suicide Girls is a comfortable retreat for me. Like I said before, don't be mistaken, naked women rule the whole world. That's maybe what got my attention, but was never the selling point in earning my membership. It's been the amazing stories and adventures that you ALL have shared with me. Reading the most personal events you elect to share when it feels the rest of the Earth doesn't get you, moves me. I love the girls who take the leap of posting their twerk videos when even they aren't sure they're doing it right. I love the intelligent debates. I love that grown women pick up hula hooping as a hobby.
You can go anywhere on the internet and see naked women. To me, SG is special. You can also come and see naked women, but you can also see them clothed, and yet extremely vulnerable. You can see them become successful at doing something they love. You see women defending other women instead of the constant competition society says they are supposed to involve themselves in. You can see them, emotions and all, without a filter. That moves me a Hell of a lot more than seeing their most intimate body parts and/or decorations.
So, to wrap it all up... I guess maybe I'm weird. I'd rather have a one-sided emotional connection with hundreds or even thousands of people here than to have a fantasized (brief) sexual release based on the material that draws most of the attention. I continue to learn from the people that society says don't know shit, on a daily basis. I respect everyone's hard work here. I just feel ultimately, my girlfriend welcomes me slobbering all over her naked image more than it's needed by the ladies of SG. I'm glad there are dudes here that do that so I'm not feeling guilty that I don't. I'm glad the ladies efforts aren't wasted...
...Some days, I'm truly more interested in how your week was, the stupid thing your pet did, or pictures of restaurant level desserts than what you look like before you get in the shower. Thanks for allowing me that option to see more than with my eyes!
