pixietom

"You've come to this, you were once a lion.
You've come to this, bringing den here.
You've come to this, you were a lion.
You've come to this, sigh alone now.
You walked on some tall moon tail.
It's come to this, you walked on a tall.
We all know you've come home to fall.

She's gone, she's gone 'cross the border, man.
And you're never gonna see her again.
I could give a fuck, oh, what you do to me.
But your party's over, it's done. The end."

I know I've been gone but this hasn't been the longest I've been gone. I'm good I'm fine. I'm not pregnant or anything. Yay! I guess. Despite my huge relief, I'm sad. I wonder what could have happened due to that. I don't want to trap anyone in something like that, but peoples true colours show better. I think Josh and I are friends. I think, because I'm not really sure. He's doing what he usually does and I'm doing what I usually do. But I still want him. He was worried about it too, but in the end he was persistent about being friends. That's a start, to the start I was already at, so its like taking a step back to a place you already know. But one good thing. I have committed myself, or rather my heart did while I wasn't looking. I want him, and I will wait until that is out of my grasp, but other than that. I will be his friend and his support when he needs it.

I've been mentally everywhere. from down in the dumps to standing on a mountain I just climbed. Its exhausting. But I guess I'm used to it. It was nice to go through this, wake up call of sorts. Funny enough I've been puking and feeling nauseated a lot. This morning, I had blueberry acai yogurt with little blueberries in it. And I when I finally ate one of the blueberries I almost threw up. I ate the whole yogurt, but not those little buggers. I'm finally getting some rest. Ish. I get naps in the day sometimes. And I'm going to bed at normal hours again, but I still feel exhausted and I'm lonely without him there. Can someone tell me how one night did this to me.

Then my best friend came in to complicate things even more. In fact, I still haven't registered everything. Tommy. My baby boy, is in love with me. ME?! Its a... We have dated before. It wasn't bad but because of our separation and going to different schools. It got hard. We broke up because we were getting bad. Our relationship was becoming a make the other feel as bad as possible so you could cheer them up. It was unhealthy and Tommy had a jealousy problem, but I can't blame him. I have a tendency to flirt with people and not even know it. He tried to be quiet about it, but with this whole Josh thing... he started getting weirder on me. I never would have guessed that. Ironic tid-bit. I get the wrong guy to fall in love with me. HA! Now he's not talking to me, and I'm not talking to him. More because we both know that if I try and make things better, it would only make things worse. He'd get more attached, and I still wouldn't be available. But now I understand what was up with him. I even thought about being with him again. But immediately a problem came up. And that is that he's in Denver and I'm in the Springs. It would be the same thing as before but with an hour distance. I should have known that one of us would fall for the other. Honestly, I was expecting it to be me.

Other than that. I realized that September is here. Already. Came fast. But now its here, and I'm glad. I feel better, cause of it. This is my favorite month. Leaves are beginning to fall. The grass is getting crisp and the summer air isn't so harsh to the skin. The cool envelops as I try and hide my toes in the sand for the warmth. Its what I love and then the good shows I wait for come on. Where its not strange if I drink piping hot tea in the afternoon, while sitting outside thinking about trying to climb my tree.

I need to get my life on track and by that I mean that I need to figure out what to do and where to go when i leave. What I want to do while I'm away and where I want to go when I can. I can't really control who I'll become or what I may get into, but I hope that its for the better. With the way I am I'll come out on top, and I'll be better. Cause I am the shit. I am awesome. Really!! I have a story about me.
I want to go back to blonde hair again. Well two tone with black too. I want my tattoo which I still haven't made the appointment for. I want to go for a walk by the creek.


Love you guys.
I missed you while I was away.