So.... Thank you.
Its not like its hard for me to say that at all. Just I wasn't really expecting the sweet words I got from you guys. It was really amazing.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I almost got involved with a married man. So I'm hearing this I want you so bad, and such along that line and then I get hit with oh yah. I'm married. It crossed to many lines. As clique as it is to say without being like that at all. I've already played the role of mistress and I'm not gonna do it again. I can't do it again. So I said no, and told hil to be honest with the people in his life. No matter how much I wanted him. The role of mistress is the most mind-fucking experience ever.
Think about it, if you don't understand. The guy is married, meaning he wants/maybe has a family with someone. The mistress, is happy to have the guy, but at the same time shes preventing a proper relationship. So then, the mistress hurts, because usually that man will not leave his family for her. Unfulfilled. But she is also the biggest piece to the puzzle of him and his family making the bonds they need to. Home wrecker. She's stuck in the middle of want.
Not much going on here. I've been hanging out with old friends. When all the stuff was going on. I lost them a long time ago, and we are making amends. They backed out of the situation, and it was for the better. Apparently the girl I loved is now holding grudges with anyone who talks to me.... That sounds like some guilty not wanting the truth to be found out.
But we've had drunken times. Well Kyle and Kenny were taking shots and I wanted some so bad. But no, I was strong. The closer my 21 birthday gets the more I crave a drink. Why...?
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
When I first entered high school. Only five people from my middle school went. So its really easy to say, we had to make friends. I did. And they weren't for the better. I was thirteen. So young... I don't know what got me to drink int he first place, because I don't really give in to peer pressure. I think my mom and dad, issues with school, being the wreck that is the teenage mind. (Cause you know how we all think high school is gonna last forever in our minds and that we never grow up.... yah) Shortly after turning 14 I started drinking, and bad... I lost lots and lots of weight, mentality fucked. And when my mother hit me with an ultimatum... I made a choice. Got better, which was the hardest battle of my life.
I haven't had a drink since then.
So now I'm just torn... I've been Straight Edge for almost 5 years... Do I give it up and risk a... relapse, or ignore the craving.... When my life is in a lot better a spot than it was then. I'm stronger, smarter, and just better than I was before...
I'm gonna try and design out my left sleeve. I have been wanting it to be a sleeve but my mind... just wont actually, allow me to think up what I want. I know small elements but big elements as well. Like this.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
A picture my awesome homie Katie in Florida drew. I love the body form. This is her Headless Queens.
Though I have talked to her about maybe designing something special for me. any suggestions as to what to put with it?
I've been having dreams again. On the constant. All about one thing.... The guy in Manitou Springs. Like I haven't actually thought of him in a while... the dreams...
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Are amazing. I'm dreaming at night, during naps and even day dreams which are beginning to pop up so much that I fear I may have an accident while driving. They just pop up.
Some have been about sex, others haven't. Just a tender life. When I
allow someone to be everything to me. We even had a fight in the dream, and it was so.... perfect. Is something wrong with me...? Probably. I'm dreaming about a guy I've never even talked to. Even if I never talk to him... I want that. I always feel like I might have destroyed my chances of getting the right guy. With the things I want in life. Tattoos, and a few piercing, that I have and more that I want. Gauging my ears. Wanting to try and attempt to become an SG... other things. More like obstacles, I might have put up.
But I had changed for the better with him. I was still me, but a little more complete and not so astray like I feel now-a-days. He was even allowing me to date a female as well. If that's what I wanted.
They feel real, and intense. I think I'm intense.
But I know that, these aren't real. Do I wish they were? Uh yes... I don't know. I want to actually go into detail but I wont... Cause that will just, make me hurt later.
I think when I fancy a gentlemen (or not)... I think I get pulled in too much.
Thank you and love you all!
sorry, i haven't been in touch much lately, the last few days were very exhausting for my body and mind. i'll read your last blogs after work, i need some sleep now. have only sleept some 4 hours lately and i have to go to work again in 6 hours... *dizzy*
they did those sirens for about 10 or 15 min or so on a saturday morning. i have no idea what it's about it just happens every few months and i always get a big smile cause it's so creepy.
i only just realised, you're too young to legally drink aren't you? O_O
that's so weird...
sorry to hear about the guy and your struggle. i'm trying to keep straight edge as well, but i think i'll probably get piss drunk soon.
i'm still exhausted, couldn't do anything that i had wanted to do today and it's bed time again already. XD
tea and a massage? sounds good! ^^
when will "i see her again"? not sure, will probably take a few weeks. i'm still waiting for her response.