piracy

started reading "trout fishing in america" by richard brautigan. i think it's affected my thinking (is such a thought possible?).

i've been feeling more disjointed, inspired and despairing. maybe it's all the chocolate.


i'm pretty sober for how fucked up i feel. i've quit cigarettes, pot, alcohol and almost quit coffee. not even thinking aobut quitting the cacao, hwever.

and dude. sobriety is wierd.


started yet more designs for a potential house to be built on my somewhat-more-actualized land. the big question is whether to integrate the greenhouse from the beginning or just leave it in the plans for later. and where to put the tool shed.

one time i smoked salvia divinorum and felt like i had pulled myself out of the river of time, onto a stable outcropping of subreality, and could watch my friends sitting around me struggling unconsciously within the current.

i feel a little like that, like a paper boat, tossed about, but above and beyond.

i can't figure out quite why i'm so poorly recieved of late. could my sense of humour have changed? what is the dynamic now that makes people just smirk condecendingly at my quips. i've been popular before, but now it's so much harder. too hard, in fact, to be worth it.

i miss being liked, however. it hurts. like dusk, in fall, when you're thirteen, sunday night.

yeah - i hated school quite a lot.