pineapplefroot

I would like to come out and say something in 2012: I have been suicidally depressed, on and off, since I was four years old and understood the concept of death and permanence. While the feelings fade in and out, they are more or less always present. Generally speaking, if I'm not depressed, I'm well-distracted (which is why I spend quite a bit of time reading and sleeping).

I don't say this with any particular intentions, it's more that this is a key facet of who I am, and as such will most likely not change. I did the therapy route from 12 to 20, the medication route from 14 to 20, and neither of those has done more than teach me that distracting myself is an acceptable alternative to being miserable. While this is true, I suppose, and I have remained mostly functioning, it seems like a short-term fix.

As of today, it's been 59 months since I last cut, which means that a month from now will be 5 years. I have no intentions of breaking this streak, if partially because I have so much anger towards the society that has romanticized this behavior.

The only goal I had in posting this was living a life of complete honesty. If only more people would do it.