papat

I'm alive ..that's a good start.

The rest? ..well, lately i'm swimming in complication, which for a guy who likes keeping things simple, it just makes for too much to think about. I'm home early, hoping to enjoy the brief little bit of sunshine, but alas, now that i'm here, it's raining fukin' cats n' dogs. So, i'm taking it as a sign to get my head on straight, which is not always an easy task. I have a variety of strategies i use on any given occasion, but for whatever reason, the written word is calling now ...plus it gives me a chance to reconnect here, for which I am sorely overdue.

So, my gardening partner and I hooked up. In retrospect it wasn't such a good idea, but somehow it happened. She's in the midst of a divorce and I was entirely too naive in believing her when she told me everything is cool with her and her ex. I've met him before briefly and kinda connected with him ..he's a good guy, uses his head, works hard and is a stand-up papa. But, he found out about me and his soon-to-be ex-wife hooking up and didn't take it so well. He confronted me about it ...mostly restrained, but sincere and direct. Now, my gut is telling me to bow out of going any further with her. Though she and I found a REALLY good connection together, shit is clearly not settled with her ex. I know she would like to keep moving forward, but I can't deal with knowing how it's hurting him. He works out of town and will only get to be with his kids every other weekend. I'd wind up spending more time with his kids than him. I've been through his process when I split with my ex. I fretted about the possibility of her jumping into a relationship with some guy who would wind up being closer to my kids than me, and now, here I am manifesting that fear for someone else ...just doesn't seem right. I gotta pass on something that rarely comes along, but it feels like the right thing to do.

The perk to y'all is that I'll likely wind up spending more time with you lovely peeps.

...and besides, she also has three kids and the thought of six kids ripping through my house kinda makes me think a twister chucked my house out to Oz.

In other news, the Oregon Country Fair is sneaking up on me ...got some work to do for that ...hopefully my tag-team strategy with a pal for doing childcare will yield enough time to go wandering around at night sufficiently imbibed ...and hopefully nothing will go wrong with my booth ...or at least nothing serious (last year it rained on sunday, which made for some pretty uncomfortable work conditions for my crew).


...guess I ought to get cracking on my break-up plan ...so hard to turn away really good sex (never been a guy to fuck for just the sake of fucking ...like to have a good kinda soul connection flowing, ya know?)

...wish me luck