paolodesade

I have this picture on my wall... It was always one of my favorite views of Portland, and since I can't build a house right there and have that as my view...





So, I have no good stories going through my head right now. The last few days have been real shitty, I'm not happy with work, I not happy with a lot of things.... I'm not sure why, but....fuck it, who cares. Some days it hardly seems worth it, I wish...For things that can not be... I want to watch a good movie with someone. We tried to watch a movie tonight, she picked tombraider 2... she fell asleep and I came back to the computer cause it was to lame, I'd rather have watched Hackers or Gia or Foxfire if she just wanted to watch miss Jolie. I really want .... What the fuck does it matter anyway, where I got the Idea that it matters I don't know, But whomever gave me that impresion, I'd love to kick their' ass right now There was this girl, a long time ago.... i was 16 , and she was ...Much older, She really fucked with my head. I loved her like only a 16 year old could... I think she was the first person to tell me that I was special, that I MATTERED, at least the first one that I believed... Some times I wish she had let me die, But then I look at my 2 wonderful boys. Some days they are the only thing that keeps me going, and other days they make me weep for the world that I unleash them upon. I have too many things going on right now and they are all suffering because I keep coming back here and spending too much time... I try to limit myself to a set amount of time each day, but then I notice that 3 hours have gone by and I'm still here reading stupid shit that some dumbfuck has posted about why george W fuckhead is the greatest man ever and I just want to KILL!!! So anyway, this girl...not tonight, maybe another day I'll write about her... I want to go out but I can't, I want to lift weights but my knee hurts too much and I'm not sure why and its pissing me off, I want to fuck, but she fell asleep watching the stupid tv. I want to get stoned but thats just a waste of time cause then I'll just get tired and go to bed and have cool dreams... Yeah, maybe I'll do that. If I can't DO, then at least I can DREAM....