pandamonium

just got all my metal back in. couple of changes: curved barbell in my labret and barbells in my nipples. i'm diggin it.

i apologize for the lack of funny lately. haven't had much of a chance to humor hunt. i'll try to get on that tonight.

this weekend will be spent Christmas baking (yes, i know how to bake ) there will be cakes, cookies, fudge, and pralines. there are some things inherent to being a Southern Belle

i really appreciate everyone's support and advice on the DUI / jail adventure. yes, i know it was stupid and yes i've learned a very important lesson. i'm drinking tonight for the first time in almost a week but i won't be going anywhere. i'm sitting my furry ass in front of the TV (while the baked goodies are in the oven) and doing shots of Crown. my mom asked me if i was going to drink half the bottle tonight as usual ... i think i'll take it slow this time.


okay ... not my best stuff, but it'll do in a pinch

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The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you?"
Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. "Of course you are!" she said. "And the best too. I don't know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions."

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A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."

"Why not?" giggles the woman.

"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

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A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.
He says "Doctor, I want to put her on the pill."
The Doctor says "Why?!? Is she sexually active?"
The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother."

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A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong.

"Nothing," said the woman.

Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

"Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as "Thank you."

"Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day gift."

"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."