A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."
**
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know Five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
**
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $150 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money, but
I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched an eyebrow and asked, "Anything?"
"Yes, anything!" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me." He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door." She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees." She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper." She did.
He said, "Go ahead... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO....MOM?!"
**
Walking up to his favorite club, a man notices a cute blonde crying in the entrance way. Being the gentleman that he was, he asked her what was wrong. Sucking up her tears, she pointed to a sign by the door: "You must be 21 years of age to enter" "that's the 7th club I've been to tonight that had that stupid rule." Feeling sorry for her, knowing what a great club it is, he askes her how many years it is until she's 21. Wiping away tears, she responds." That's just it. I'm 22. Kinda shitty that you can only go clubbing for 1 year, huh?
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."
**
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know Five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
**
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $150 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money, but
I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched an eyebrow and asked, "Anything?"
"Yes, anything!" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me." He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door." She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees." She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper." She did.
He said, "Go ahead... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO....MOM?!"
**
Walking up to his favorite club, a man notices a cute blonde crying in the entrance way. Being the gentleman that he was, he asked her what was wrong. Sucking up her tears, she pointed to a sign by the door: "You must be 21 years of age to enter" "that's the 7th club I've been to tonight that had that stupid rule." Feeling sorry for her, knowing what a great club it is, he askes her how many years it is until she's 21. Wiping away tears, she responds." That's just it. I'm 22. Kinda shitty that you can only go clubbing for 1 year, huh?
VIEW 25 of 32 COMMENTS
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about 50 bucks?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" The man responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
i love that one
-me