Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before.
1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks.
2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!
3rd guy: That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed!
1st guy: No, no.. you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog.
______________________________________________________
Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was sreaming, "Help me! Help me!"
Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to help that man!
______________________________________________________
Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.
They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"
The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"
________________________________________________________
The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
________________________________________________________
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's
dreams every night??
Hansons.
________________________________________________________
What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
A quadraplegic in a house fire.
________________________________________________________
Michael Jackson: He told you he was "Off the Wall", that he was a "Thriller", that he was "Bad" and that he was "Dangerous". Next album will be called "Don't say I didn't warn you."
1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks.
2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!
3rd guy: That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed!
1st guy: No, no.. you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog.
______________________________________________________
Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was sreaming, "Help me! Help me!"
Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to help that man!
______________________________________________________
Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.
They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"
The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"
________________________________________________________
The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
________________________________________________________
What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's
dreams every night??
Hansons.
________________________________________________________
What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
A quadraplegic in a house fire.
________________________________________________________
Michael Jackson: He told you he was "Off the Wall", that he was a "Thriller", that he was "Bad" and that he was "Dangerous". Next album will be called "Don't say I didn't warn you."
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