pananarama

Sometimes when I'm bored I masterbate, but that's beside the point. What I really want to say is that when I'm bored I like to make up stupid sorts of nonsensicle stories, so here goes.

"The Lost 18 and a Half Minutes"

"I like to sing-a about the moon-a and the June-a and the spring-a, I like to sing-a, of a sky of blue and a tea for two..."
"Mr President?"
"I like to sing-a about the moon-a and the June-a and the spring-a, I like to sing-a, of a sky of blue and a tea for two..."
"Mr. President?"
"I like to sing-a about the moon-a and the June-a and ..."
"Eh-hem, Mr. President?"
"Oh yes, yes Gerry, what, what can I help you with?"
" Mr. President.."
"Gerry, you can drop that Mr. President bullshit."
"Yes sir, well, it's about Mr.Kissinger."
"He been shot?"
"No, no, they, they know."
"Know what, ohhh, oh, goddamn it! How'd they find out, musta been that damn Schlessinger, Schlessinger or fucking Laird, bastards, lyin' Jew bastards."
"What are we s'posed to do?"
"Sons a bitches, what can we do, we, we need to get him in here."
He presses the intercom, "Mrs. Woods."
"Yes, Mr. President."
"Get me Mr. Kissinger and, um, umm, Mr. Haldeman in here please, immediately if you could." he was always respectful to Mrs. Woods."Now, how, how did eh they find out, how did this happen?"
"I don't know I got word from Strauss, he said they knew and it would be leaked."
"Well, fucking stop him, I, I, I don't care how, fucking stop him."
"We did Mr. President, but there's a catch."
"No shit."
"They want us to change course on China."
"That's it, no appointee, no eh, ehh, um bill or veto, just change my view on China, I, I, I don't get it."
"They say that the Chinese markets are ripe to be tapped and that better relations with the Commies is the only way."
"So?"
"That's what they say, what they want is you to go over there and screw it up, piss 'em off and blow the next election for the party."
"What the fuck, that's their plan? It's a shit plan, really a shit plan." he paused, "What can they really do, noone will believe 'im, I mean really, who'd believe 'im? He's a fuckin' liar, everyone already knows that. We can put stuff out there, pictures of him humping a retard." he laughs,"I mean we, we got people, put 'em on it."
"Yes sir, who though?"
"Someone good, the, the eh guy who did that moon landing thing."
"Yes sir."
"We'll hit 'im with everything, he'll never see what's coming."
"I don't know, he says he has pictures."
"We will too." he laughs, "Christ."
"Sir, we need to move."
"Sir, it's always sir when it's bad, stop with the fuckin' formality, c'mon Gerry, where did we go wrong, what, what happened to us."
"Let's concentrate on the issue sir."
"C'mon Gerry don't bulshit me, c'mon, we used to be, ya know, ehh, close, you and I, and what happened?"
"I'm not talking about this right now, we just aren't"
"Heeey there Bunkin nuts..."
"Stop it."
"Who's my little Bunkin nuts?"
"Cut the shit Dick."
"C'mon, you remember, you me and Henry, c'mon."
"Fuck you Dick."
"Alright."he says coyly, "Oh, oh there, I see a smirk."
"Stop it."
"C'mon Gerry, c'mere."
"No."
"C'mon, I mean what's the worst that's gonna happen, so they out Kissinger, we deny the hell outta it and go to sleep knowing it's off the map."
"Fine Dick, that's great, are we done here?"
C'mon dammit, what the fuck, Liddy got ya by the balls?"
"Fuck you Dick, we're done, we are done!" he slams the door.
"That's FUCK YOU MR. PRESIDENT TO YOU! Ya goddamn Jew."

...the clip is followed by fourteen minutes of the President singing to himself.