regret. always, there is regret.
Cody's funeral didn't give me the closure that I needed - surprisingly, karaoke was the thing that did it. I felt shitty at first, since I made the mistake of talking to David at the funeral. I know he has a lot of confusion and misguided anger going on, but he didn't need to blame me. I already feel guilty enough as it is. But then misguided sang Hey, Jude and Jeremy sang Always Look on the Bright Side of Life and everyone sang along. And it was like Cody was standing there with us, beer in his hand, yelling out the lyrics. I miss him more than I thought I would, and I regret not knowing him better. Someone said to me: Cody really liked you. He talked about you a lot....and then they walked away. I wonder if that was true. It's so frustrating to me that I'll never get to know. But thanks to freakpirate and carla and misguided for holding me and hugging me and just being THERE. It meant more than you'll know. <3
your skill in babysitting has decreased by one point
Babies are LOUD. Especially when it is hot outside, they are teething, and they are in an unfamiliar home. I am completely knackered. In fact, when I am finished this blog entry, I am going to change a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, change my sheets, and then go to BED. I am NEVER having children. Ever.
t minus twenty-five
WTF. I can't be leaving that soon. I just looked and was floored by the number. That's...really fucking close. I've got a bunch of stuff packed but I just don't feel...emotionally ready to go. The part of me that fights with my parents and hates my job, and is frustrated by having to justify every action to my mom - that part wants to leave asap. But the part that's fallen for misguided, and that's made all these fantastically awesome new friends, and that is scared and nervous and TERRIFIED...that part wants just one more year. But...it's an adventure. I always complain that my life isn't exciting enough, and now I have a chance to change that.
And now for something completely different!
Cody's funeral didn't give me the closure that I needed - surprisingly, karaoke was the thing that did it. I felt shitty at first, since I made the mistake of talking to David at the funeral. I know he has a lot of confusion and misguided anger going on, but he didn't need to blame me. I already feel guilty enough as it is. But then misguided sang Hey, Jude and Jeremy sang Always Look on the Bright Side of Life and everyone sang along. And it was like Cody was standing there with us, beer in his hand, yelling out the lyrics. I miss him more than I thought I would, and I regret not knowing him better. Someone said to me: Cody really liked you. He talked about you a lot....and then they walked away. I wonder if that was true. It's so frustrating to me that I'll never get to know. But thanks to freakpirate and carla and misguided for holding me and hugging me and just being THERE. It meant more than you'll know. <3
your skill in babysitting has decreased by one point
Babies are LOUD. Especially when it is hot outside, they are teething, and they are in an unfamiliar home. I am completely knackered. In fact, when I am finished this blog entry, I am going to change a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, change my sheets, and then go to BED. I am NEVER having children. Ever.
t minus twenty-five
WTF. I can't be leaving that soon. I just looked and was floored by the number. That's...really fucking close. I've got a bunch of stuff packed but I just don't feel...emotionally ready to go. The part of me that fights with my parents and hates my job, and is frustrated by having to justify every action to my mom - that part wants to leave asap. But the part that's fallen for misguided, and that's made all these fantastically awesome new friends, and that is scared and nervous and TERRIFIED...that part wants just one more year. But...it's an adventure. I always complain that my life isn't exciting enough, and now I have a chance to change that.
And now for something completely different!
<3<3
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thanks for a spark-