ony

Never been so sad ! The only guy I really love, a 3 y-o love... doesn't want to see me anymore. We were together, we broke up 2 times. Just a week ago I was still hearing "my love... i miss u so much ..... I love u ....." all those words I love to hear from him ! And he just met a new girl a fucking bitch i guess, a fcking bitch i'm gonna torture and kill very slowly. He knows her for 5 or 6 fcking dayz and "oh sorry oni we can't see each other anymore, i'm gonna miss u... bloodyblahblahblah!!!!!"
I hate him as much as I love him. Can't forget all those moments of tenderness and love and so fcking fun we spent together....
I wrote him a letter, i spent 12 hours showing him my love and my despair of losing him in a big big letter with drawings and all. He just answered: " it was really beautiful, it made me cry, i'm sorry but i want to try smthg else..."
Yes I really want to kill myself! He's the love of my life. the one who MUST BE THE ONE and ONLY ONE...
I can't believe it I just can't...
I can't stop crying it makes me sick, really sick. I didn't eat anything for 5 days, no sleep... just drugs, alcohol and sadness. I spend my days vomiting the "nothing" I have in me....
I don't want to live like this, never. My friends try to help me avoid doing a big big big mistake (which is not one for me) but i dunno if it's gonna work... I'm sick weak sad and so many other words like that...
I'm sorry for this hopeless post but that's the only thing i can't say. My mind is off, my brain is off. I only think about all this shit !!!
So I just wanna say a BIG FUCK to life !!
I'll always love u my sweet great love