ok, quick story because i need to get try and get some sleep because i havent been sleeping well lately (6 hours in the last 4 days), so im having problems in my reading class (due to this lack of sleep thing), and my teacher tells me if i go to this harp concert at one of the baptist churches (and you know how i feel about churches), i can get some extra credit.
so i weigh my dislike of church for my need of extra credit and head on down to the show thinking, that its going to be your typical church deal... prayer at the beginning, with a little spiel about how great jesus and god are then the dude plays for an hour... we get a break for refreshments, more jesus/god/prayer shit dude plays one more hour then hes done, we repeat j/g/p and then were done, thank you, goodnight, cds on sale in the lobby for 19.99 have a safe drive home... (oh and dont forget to leave a little some thing in the collection plate on your way out the door).
at least this is what im thinking but wait this is not what i get oh no and i shoud have fucking seen it coming a mile away... what this guy does is he fucking preaches the gospel in between a couple of sets, do a couple a tunes then john 3:16 three more songs then how about somthing out of the book of psalms then after the third set... he starts into the i was a sinner thing and how jesus saved me halleluja and he starts preaching fire and brimstone to the teenagers right in front of him (their all sitting on the floor) about all kinds of crazy shit, like him bieng a drunk at 13, drugs and premarital sex, vd, and partial birth abortions and the party that supports that = nazizm (no fucking shit) i almost left right there but i need this extra credit so fucking bad that i stick it out, and then...
the show is over, and like i said ive had little sleep, ive been on a bill hicks kick lately and hes out in the parking lot after the show talking with some guys about god and good old j.c. and so i get involved. i hit them with my theory about "god"... well let me tell you i got the strangest look, he must have thought i was actually possessed by a demon or maybe satan or something, because he gave me the most horrific look for just a second, but then he recovered quite nicely into his christian forgiveness bullshit he was spouting earlier, and asked me "when was the las time you read your bible?" to which i responded "i dont have a bible any more." and again there was this shocked silence and he says "you dont have a bible" and runs to his van" and rummages around for a good minute and comes back with a bible, a new international version bible... with a camoflage cover. i look at it for a minute then hold it away from me like it some kind of filthy rag or something and say "no thanks dude i already know how this god awful book ends" and drop it on the ground (i have an utter disdain for that book) well i get a third horrified look, from everyone and i sense the crowd (theres about 6 large baptist gentleman) is getting hostile but mr. harp man his name is jeff something soothes them by picking up the bible putting it back in his van placing a hand on my shoulder and saying to me "brother i sense youre lost may i pray for your poor soul." to which i look at him the angry men my car 100 feet awy and say "no fucking way" and take off running...
the nice thing about the church parking lot is that part of it is an open field so you can just drive that way to get back on to country club instead of back through the parking lot to get back onto garden which is exactly what i did... i better get a shit load of extra credit
so i weigh my dislike of church for my need of extra credit and head on down to the show thinking, that its going to be your typical church deal... prayer at the beginning, with a little spiel about how great jesus and god are then the dude plays for an hour... we get a break for refreshments, more jesus/god/prayer shit dude plays one more hour then hes done, we repeat j/g/p and then were done, thank you, goodnight, cds on sale in the lobby for 19.99 have a safe drive home... (oh and dont forget to leave a little some thing in the collection plate on your way out the door).
at least this is what im thinking but wait this is not what i get oh no and i shoud have fucking seen it coming a mile away... what this guy does is he fucking preaches the gospel in between a couple of sets, do a couple a tunes then john 3:16 three more songs then how about somthing out of the book of psalms then after the third set... he starts into the i was a sinner thing and how jesus saved me halleluja and he starts preaching fire and brimstone to the teenagers right in front of him (their all sitting on the floor) about all kinds of crazy shit, like him bieng a drunk at 13, drugs and premarital sex, vd, and partial birth abortions and the party that supports that = nazizm (no fucking shit) i almost left right there but i need this extra credit so fucking bad that i stick it out, and then...
the show is over, and like i said ive had little sleep, ive been on a bill hicks kick lately and hes out in the parking lot after the show talking with some guys about god and good old j.c. and so i get involved. i hit them with my theory about "god"... well let me tell you i got the strangest look, he must have thought i was actually possessed by a demon or maybe satan or something, because he gave me the most horrific look for just a second, but then he recovered quite nicely into his christian forgiveness bullshit he was spouting earlier, and asked me "when was the las time you read your bible?" to which i responded "i dont have a bible any more." and again there was this shocked silence and he says "you dont have a bible" and runs to his van" and rummages around for a good minute and comes back with a bible, a new international version bible... with a camoflage cover. i look at it for a minute then hold it away from me like it some kind of filthy rag or something and say "no thanks dude i already know how this god awful book ends" and drop it on the ground (i have an utter disdain for that book) well i get a third horrified look, from everyone and i sense the crowd (theres about 6 large baptist gentleman) is getting hostile but mr. harp man his name is jeff something soothes them by picking up the bible putting it back in his van placing a hand on my shoulder and saying to me "brother i sense youre lost may i pray for your poor soul." to which i look at him the angry men my car 100 feet awy and say "no fucking way" and take off running...
the nice thing about the church parking lot is that part of it is an open field so you can just drive that way to get back on to country club instead of back through the parking lot to get back onto garden which is exactly what i did... i better get a shit load of extra credit
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In any case, great fucking story man. Whenever people preach to me I can never think of anything to say. I stutter a "no thanks" and walk away, my mind filling with witty comments and retorts mere seconds too late. The best part was how you staight ran off afterward. I can just imagine being there and laughing my ass off. Good job.