Life is hard. Point fucking blank. I dont care who you are or the life you've lived.. you all know life is hard. You know whats even harder? Changing. I have been trying for years, with very little success, to change some pretty important things in my life. Its almost like a really bad routine at this point.. I figure out what I want to change, make a solid plan to actually change it, go full force into it and then somewhere down the line, I lose sight of my goal and end up right back at the beginning. Change is so fucking hard. I like to believe that if your truly passionate about something, that passion gets you through the fight to get it . I guess that works for other people. I have this horrible love for stagnancy. As much as I want to get fit, get back in school, read more, adventure my city more.. I spent most of my days around the house. I will sit on the couch and think about how I could be at the gym or nose deep in the books Ive bought but never opened, but wont actually get up to do them. Epitome of lazy.
I did finally go through with one big change this year. A couple months back, I uprooted my life and moved 1200 miles away from my hometown, my friends, my apartment, my job, my tattoo artist. I was looking for that fresh start we all love so much. Sunny Florida seemed like the perfect place! So here I am, far far away from my favorite people, living in my CROWDED in laws house, with no job and nothing but time. This was my chance to finally reinvent myself. Yet, here I am two months later with nothing to show for it, except the beginning of a nice tan.
This quote pretty much sums up my whole life (did not write this):
"I think about dying but I dont want to die, not even close. In fact, my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic, there's so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I'm wasting every second, even now Im writing this when I should be out there, I should be living. Im still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I cant quite figure out what the hell Im doing or how to get out."
That quote hit home for me, BIG TIME. So even though I fucking HATE that 'new year new me' bullshit (because we all know how that shit goes).. 2015 will be my year. Im SO OVER myself! Im over all the excuses Im full of, the procrastination, the laziness, the self depreciating, the depressed days, the doubting myself.. all of it! Im getting too old to keep doing the same fucking things and wondering why I havent changed. If I keep putting off living my life, I will be gone before I even took the chance. So here I am telling a bunch of strangers (beautiful strangers though) the same thing I tell myself every day.. Its my time to shine and this time, IM FUCKING TAKING IT!
*End rant*