Hey everybody =]
mm so it's been interesting I think. I hate relationships, 1. when they end it's all lost in translation. what one person says '"is over" another thinks that means there is hope.. I hate relationship bullshit.. Feeling bad about all the mistakes I made and how it's never good enough when I apologize. Yet, I apologize and he makes me feel like, shit. "You ruined my fucking life, I hope you die you fucking bitch, fuck you!" yeah thats been my life for the past 2 months. even though I say fuck this I am done I don't want to talk to you, somehow he always manipulates my feelings into me talking to him, and then he blows up on me.. and as much as I do not want to be in a relationship with him, and especially after everything he has said.. I still get jealous when I see that he is hanging out with some girl. or that he's getting over me. I still love him but jesus, i cant be in a relationship with someone who told me to o fucking die... so I dont know why I am still in love with him and why I still want him. Especially now when I have this, truly amazing guy as a new relationship prospect.. ugh. and I cant date him because I am apparently still hung up on this first guy.. I hate myself sometimes for this indecision, I seriously couldnt make up my mind with a gun held to my head. I'd rather he kill me. seriously, relationships suck, i mean they may be good or great while dating, but dude, you end it and it all blows up in your fucking face.. and we had a good relationship most of the time.. I mean hahaha i mean he would get mad at me for taking a shower, in my own house.... and if i wanted to check my myspace fucking forget it.. we fought a lot, i think it was getting better near the end but, I dont know he was so controlling over weird things, that didnt mean anything. and my whole family saw it, my younger sister was always telling me " He's a douche bag! Dump him!" and I didnt, and now that I did.. I am happy but at the same time.. I regret it, for all these stupid reasons.. its fucked up. i found all of our pictures the other day, /sigh\ i just cried. I look at him and i love him, and hes gorgeous, see thats fucked up, im attracted to him because he's cute and i remember all this good fucking shit about us..but i wont let myself go back to him because of everything thats happened now.. /sigh\ well now that I have succeeded in making myself depressed, I think I am going to cut this off.
<3 all my love <3
mm so it's been interesting I think. I hate relationships, 1. when they end it's all lost in translation. what one person says '"is over" another thinks that means there is hope.. I hate relationship bullshit.. Feeling bad about all the mistakes I made and how it's never good enough when I apologize. Yet, I apologize and he makes me feel like, shit. "You ruined my fucking life, I hope you die you fucking bitch, fuck you!" yeah thats been my life for the past 2 months. even though I say fuck this I am done I don't want to talk to you, somehow he always manipulates my feelings into me talking to him, and then he blows up on me.. and as much as I do not want to be in a relationship with him, and especially after everything he has said.. I still get jealous when I see that he is hanging out with some girl. or that he's getting over me. I still love him but jesus, i cant be in a relationship with someone who told me to o fucking die... so I dont know why I am still in love with him and why I still want him. Especially now when I have this, truly amazing guy as a new relationship prospect.. ugh. and I cant date him because I am apparently still hung up on this first guy.. I hate myself sometimes for this indecision, I seriously couldnt make up my mind with a gun held to my head. I'd rather he kill me. seriously, relationships suck, i mean they may be good or great while dating, but dude, you end it and it all blows up in your fucking face.. and we had a good relationship most of the time.. I mean hahaha i mean he would get mad at me for taking a shower, in my own house.... and if i wanted to check my myspace fucking forget it.. we fought a lot, i think it was getting better near the end but, I dont know he was so controlling over weird things, that didnt mean anything. and my whole family saw it, my younger sister was always telling me " He's a douche bag! Dump him!" and I didnt, and now that I did.. I am happy but at the same time.. I regret it, for all these stupid reasons.. its fucked up. i found all of our pictures the other day, /sigh\ i just cried. I look at him and i love him, and hes gorgeous, see thats fucked up, im attracted to him because he's cute and i remember all this good fucking shit about us..but i wont let myself go back to him because of everything thats happened now.. /sigh\ well now that I have succeeded in making myself depressed, I think I am going to cut this off.
<3 all my love <3