Quin Qui the Unmerciful
This weekend I got scalped at Foxwoods, but not by a Native American. Noooo, I was scalped on a reservation by an Asian blackjack savant named Quin Qui. He had an extension on the bottom of his name badge that said simply "George". I don't know what Quin Qui means, but I'm pretty sure "George" is Chinese for "cash vacuum". This guy emptied my pockets in record time. As a matter of fact, at one point I was losing so fast, I think I ruptured the space-time continuum. Is that a flux capacitor, George...oh, no, that's just a shoe filled with six decks of DEVIL CARDS! You fuck-wad!
Anyway, George had 5 natural blackjacks in 30 minutes. FIVE! That represents $125 of my money lost solely to blackjacks. And that's assuming I didn't bet over the minimum, which I know I did on at least one of those five occasions. So call it $150. I played brilliantly. When I had 16 against a 10, I hit. Like a fucking man would. When I had 16 against a 6, I stayed. I split 8s (I hate splitting aces when you can only take one card), doubled on 11 when the situation was acceptable, stayed on 12 and 13 when the dealer looked ripe for busting...I did it all right. I even got compliments from the other players at the table. Then, out of nowhere, repeatedly, George shoved his forearm up my ass. No lube. If I drew to 19, George had 20. If I drew to 20, George either had 21, or we pushed with his 20. It was horrible.
A waitress took my drink order, and I had $275 in front of me. By the time she got back to me (with a cocktail the size of a urine sample) I was down to $75. Fucking George. Anyway, I've never been out that quickly in my life. George is unreal. As I left, I asked if I gave him my email address, would he please send me all of his sports picks. He simply smiled at me, that smug douchebag.
But I ate a lot of turkey. And I hug out with the family. And both of those things are good. So maybe it was worth it. I want an "I got scalped at Foxwoods" t-shirt. I'll have it silkscreened, and sell it in the parking lot until I get my cash back. See, I'm always thinkin'.
This weekend I got scalped at Foxwoods, but not by a Native American. Noooo, I was scalped on a reservation by an Asian blackjack savant named Quin Qui. He had an extension on the bottom of his name badge that said simply "George". I don't know what Quin Qui means, but I'm pretty sure "George" is Chinese for "cash vacuum". This guy emptied my pockets in record time. As a matter of fact, at one point I was losing so fast, I think I ruptured the space-time continuum. Is that a flux capacitor, George...oh, no, that's just a shoe filled with six decks of DEVIL CARDS! You fuck-wad!
Anyway, George had 5 natural blackjacks in 30 minutes. FIVE! That represents $125 of my money lost solely to blackjacks. And that's assuming I didn't bet over the minimum, which I know I did on at least one of those five occasions. So call it $150. I played brilliantly. When I had 16 against a 10, I hit. Like a fucking man would. When I had 16 against a 6, I stayed. I split 8s (I hate splitting aces when you can only take one card), doubled on 11 when the situation was acceptable, stayed on 12 and 13 when the dealer looked ripe for busting...I did it all right. I even got compliments from the other players at the table. Then, out of nowhere, repeatedly, George shoved his forearm up my ass. No lube. If I drew to 19, George had 20. If I drew to 20, George either had 21, or we pushed with his 20. It was horrible.
A waitress took my drink order, and I had $275 in front of me. By the time she got back to me (with a cocktail the size of a urine sample) I was down to $75. Fucking George. Anyway, I've never been out that quickly in my life. George is unreal. As I left, I asked if I gave him my email address, would he please send me all of his sports picks. He simply smiled at me, that smug douchebag.
But I ate a lot of turkey. And I hug out with the family. And both of those things are good. So maybe it was worth it. I want an "I got scalped at Foxwoods" t-shirt. I'll have it silkscreened, and sell it in the parking lot until I get my cash back. See, I'm always thinkin'.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
lilyk:
lilyk:
i don't find hell mysterious, it woudl be a welcome change to my everyday life it hink