nonameninja

sick of it
if it wasn't for all my work
I'd have no friends
if I don't talk, text, call
I'd sit by my self
just once I want people
to want me around
to care how I think/feel
I'm not cool or interesting
but I'm sick of chasing
annnoying people
and need need needing
when nobody seems
to need me around

so today my mom calls me out of the blue...sorta like she never does but then again thats the only way she talks to me....she wanted some stupid ass camping stove she gave my brother when we where living togeather....I remind her that I own NOTHING that belonded to my brother....that he should go to the source...the girl he was dating at the time of his death that did everything in her power to get every sredd of him and keep for her self....my brainwashed mother doesn't have anything of his either and yet she talks to her on a regular bassiss....my mother then repeats her self to tell me she sure she gave it to him when we where living in my old house....and asks if I moved it with me...I remind her that the landlords illegal kicked me out because they where pissed I was moving so I had just under 6 hours to pack and move all the shit from the house to the new one....a fact that she did not recall because she never lisions to anything I say and has little interest in my, my thoughts, and my feelings.

so after the shock of her just forgetting something major that happened with me less then a year ago I remind her that when I call to complain that I have nothing of my brother and she should do something about it she gets upset so I have every right to be upset when she calls and wants me to look for whatever she wants when she wants....I then (in a car full of people who have no idea whats going on and can't hear anything but me fighting with my mom while somehow not crashing my car into anything) I tell her that the day my brother died he moved the last of his stuff out of my house and that if she wants anything not to call me about it.

my mother makes plans for me to do things/be somewhere and tells people then forgets to tell me that she has made me a plan like a shitty little middle school sack lunch...I don't want it nor do I need it...I'm a fucking adult and I don't know where she gets off....I stopped doing anything she wanted when I was 10 and she still doesn't get the hint....it isn't going to happen....there is already to much fucked up shit in my family I don't need her raining down on me....

I know nobodys going to read this and I don't care I'm sitting here with my headphones on feeling like shit and really just being upset with everything....I'm never this "emo" and sobby....I just don't feel like holding in my anguish anymore and I have nowhere else to put it but here