Am I dumb?
One of my newfound friends (as in a true friend) has recently had some success on the romantic front...I'm not jealous per se, however I had a fear that he would disappear for a while 'cause he's getting all this lovely attention.
So I wrote him this email telling him, "oh yeah, man, I'm gonna be off in space for a little while, so I probably won't see you for a few days." Like a dummy. What I'd wanted to write was, "how are things? I'd love to hang if you have time."
Am I a TOTAL ass?
Je-SUS Christ.
Meanwhile I have been connecting with people online here and there who don't give me that same kind of resonance. Good feeling.
Jesus, CHRIST I am dumb. Okay, YES, I have a small crush on him but it's tiny. I swear. Plus I know I am not his type and that makes it easier. It's not like I could say "if only I ____" it's like, I just know. I just adore him and I'm afraid of losing his friendship.
Oh, Jesus I am dumb. Don't mind me. I'm just working it out in the best way I know right now. All prosaic-like.
JeSUS...
I am in such denial. I swear, though. I want his happiness first. As SG's Dr. Balls so aptly put it, I am a "do no harm" kinda gal. He is one on a small list of a few small crushes. Each time I see him it gets better. Solidifies the purpose of our friendship. Solace of sameness.
It's tricky / trippy. God, that was dumb! Hm...I'll have to remedy this somehow.
"Oh yeah, dude, I really love spending time with you and how you value me as a human being and all, so I'm gonna go ahead and do the opposite of what I really wanna do. And while I'm at it, I won't call you too, okay?"
Jesus Christo (en espanol)....
Hm...
There is, though, the appearance of appearing like a big ol' loser. I know he's getting his sweet on and that's a priority. I would probably do the same thing n' stuff... So maybe I just need to continue to get my sweet on and not feel good, bad, or indifferent about being incommunicado for a little while.
Well, I know he'll come back around and we will connect--what I DON'T want to do is totally withdraw from one of the few people on the planet who inspires me, LIKE A DUMMY!!! Regardless, he is finding his yummy girls and even encourages me to keep trying. (Every now and then, silly, I give up. It doesn't last long but he's a great soul-uplifter). It's not like he's even boastful or anything (which of course is just all the more adorable).
I should have begun this entry writing: "Dear Diary: This is my first realistic crush. Bobby isn't into me, but that's okay. Still, his eyes, soul, smile, get me all dreamy and hopeful and optimistic. And gee, that's nice. So what I'm gonna do, see, is totally avoid his yumminess."
I am SUCH A PRO-YUM ADVOCATE! Nay, ACTIVIST! I must remedy my anti-yum behavior. It's unbecoming of a yum-seeker such like me.
More as it develops. No, his name is really NOT Bobby or anything similar.
Oh yeah, happy Easter and stuff.
-Be.
One of my newfound friends (as in a true friend) has recently had some success on the romantic front...I'm not jealous per se, however I had a fear that he would disappear for a while 'cause he's getting all this lovely attention.
So I wrote him this email telling him, "oh yeah, man, I'm gonna be off in space for a little while, so I probably won't see you for a few days." Like a dummy. What I'd wanted to write was, "how are things? I'd love to hang if you have time."
Am I a TOTAL ass?
Je-SUS Christ.
Meanwhile I have been connecting with people online here and there who don't give me that same kind of resonance. Good feeling.
Jesus, CHRIST I am dumb. Okay, YES, I have a small crush on him but it's tiny. I swear. Plus I know I am not his type and that makes it easier. It's not like I could say "if only I ____" it's like, I just know. I just adore him and I'm afraid of losing his friendship.
Oh, Jesus I am dumb. Don't mind me. I'm just working it out in the best way I know right now. All prosaic-like.
JeSUS...
I am in such denial. I swear, though. I want his happiness first. As SG's Dr. Balls so aptly put it, I am a "do no harm" kinda gal. He is one on a small list of a few small crushes. Each time I see him it gets better. Solidifies the purpose of our friendship. Solace of sameness.
It's tricky / trippy. God, that was dumb! Hm...I'll have to remedy this somehow.
"Oh yeah, dude, I really love spending time with you and how you value me as a human being and all, so I'm gonna go ahead and do the opposite of what I really wanna do. And while I'm at it, I won't call you too, okay?"
Jesus Christo (en espanol)....
Hm...
There is, though, the appearance of appearing like a big ol' loser. I know he's getting his sweet on and that's a priority. I would probably do the same thing n' stuff... So maybe I just need to continue to get my sweet on and not feel good, bad, or indifferent about being incommunicado for a little while.
Well, I know he'll come back around and we will connect--what I DON'T want to do is totally withdraw from one of the few people on the planet who inspires me, LIKE A DUMMY!!! Regardless, he is finding his yummy girls and even encourages me to keep trying. (Every now and then, silly, I give up. It doesn't last long but he's a great soul-uplifter). It's not like he's even boastful or anything (which of course is just all the more adorable).
I should have begun this entry writing: "Dear Diary: This is my first realistic crush. Bobby isn't into me, but that's okay. Still, his eyes, soul, smile, get me all dreamy and hopeful and optimistic. And gee, that's nice. So what I'm gonna do, see, is totally avoid his yumminess."
I am SUCH A PRO-YUM ADVOCATE! Nay, ACTIVIST! I must remedy my anti-yum behavior. It's unbecoming of a yum-seeker such like me.
More as it develops. No, his name is really NOT Bobby or anything similar.
Oh yeah, happy Easter and stuff.
-Be.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
and doesn't this kitty look like a bunny?
wuv
-Be
you and your jesus
he he he
silly girl