ninji

DREAMS OVERCAST

peeking through my blinds i
realize it's still overcast
weather report had said "sunny,"
not "partly cloudy" or
anything like it

but that's just the thing:
forecast ain't fact

i thought of you and the way you
yanked the screen from my window
pulled rugs out from underneath me
it's not your fault, though, i
wanted you to

at 12 midnight it became your birthday your
breath smelling faintly of wine, of breakfast bacon, of
someone else's sweat

my door slammed closed and, though drunken,
i knew you'd find your own ride home

i don't know why i do this, Kid--
why i peek through blinds and it's still overcast
why
sometimes for all the hippie that i am i can't quite
let go of old ideas

why i love the whole world for being so sweet, swelled over, saucy,
why i accept tom, dick and harry where they are
but can't forgive my mom for her slammed doors
and dad for his foul mouth
years on in since they've become more soft 'round the edges

don't know why i can't forgive myself
why i can't quite bring myself to return your phone calls

why i still blame ghosts
'stead of creating angels

when, at the onset,
all's i wanted was to stare, doe eyed into your
soul so precious

5 24 03
be