Disclaimer: I'm about to vent hardcore. Don't bother reading this people. This is for me.
I feel gross.
Barely 2 months since we broke up and already he's got a new girlfriend.
How's that for shitting on the 4 years we shared together?
Not one for wasting time i guess.
Maybe his love for me wasn't as real as i thought it was. As real as mine was for him.
And now only my sheets caress my body and their touch leaves me feeling empty...because they never loved me.
But i guess there's no real difference from then and now.
I feel decieved.
Here's to bestfriends that i guess never were.
Here's to wiping my tears from hundreds of miles away.
Here's to your talent you waste in your room.
Here's to the 3 hours long conversations about life, love and religion.
Here's to making love and saying "i love you" the whole way through.
Here's to spaztic hugs where i just couldn't get close enough.
Here's to falling asleep to the lullaby of your breathe.
Here's to pictures and memories collecting dust in a box.
Here's to all the happy couples i see that make me feel like such a failure.
Here's to putting my all into someone who could care less.
Here's to all the times i never felt good enough.
Here's to the part of myself i lost while i was with you.
I'm sorry for wanting to be so close.
I'm sorry for being so sexual.
I'm sorry for loving you with everything I own. I would of pawned more off if I had it just so I could love you more. But I think that's where I went wrong.
I want every piece I gave back.
I wish I could pull out all your circuits and rewire you...
so that I'm the only girl you light up to.
If everything was fake you're a good fucking liar.
you would do this one manuver where your hand would cup my face and i'd press my cheek into your palm...that was a good one...where'd you learn that?
was that in the "How to get girls to fall madly in love with you and place their hearts into your hands so you can one day decide you don't want it anymore and rip it in two"?
That's a long fucking title. Long titles mean shitty books. Stop reading those. They never work.
And you know what hurts the most?
The fact that I still care with all my heart for you.
And that your face resides in my dreams...still.
That I still miss you.
You're a prick. I hate you for being perfect to me when you're so clearly not perfect at all.
talking to you is
a shot to the face
a stab in the neck
a thorn in my side
mechanical rhythm
premature banter
mouth like a motor
stability of a child
bad
acting on your impulses
choking on your impositions.
fuck you
full of fucking shit.
you should run for president.
you created malice
you created illogic
you nurture suicide
you cradle ill intentions
you misplaced the hope for humanity
you are the reason children die
you are the rain on my weekend
hate crimes, apartheid, the KKK, and 9/11 are your fault
you killed the jews.
you are cancer
you are spite
you are the shit that we step in with our good shoes
you are self pity
you are self loathing
you are human suffering
fuck you.
Ok ok ok maybe thats a little much.. but hell Im hurt.
i lost the last piece of the puzzle.
and you can try with all your might to make another little cardboard jigsaw fit into that place.
but there will always be a gap left open.
there always be a part that will never hug the rest of the corners
and make it whole.
...that feeling sucks. And i know it's not premanant. like they say "in time..." Fuck time. I'm not that patient.
i feel lonely.
I feel gross.
Barely 2 months since we broke up and already he's got a new girlfriend.
How's that for shitting on the 4 years we shared together?
Not one for wasting time i guess.
Maybe his love for me wasn't as real as i thought it was. As real as mine was for him.
And now only my sheets caress my body and their touch leaves me feeling empty...because they never loved me.
But i guess there's no real difference from then and now.
I feel decieved.
Here's to bestfriends that i guess never were.
Here's to wiping my tears from hundreds of miles away.
Here's to your talent you waste in your room.
Here's to the 3 hours long conversations about life, love and religion.
Here's to making love and saying "i love you" the whole way through.
Here's to spaztic hugs where i just couldn't get close enough.
Here's to falling asleep to the lullaby of your breathe.
Here's to pictures and memories collecting dust in a box.
Here's to all the happy couples i see that make me feel like such a failure.
Here's to putting my all into someone who could care less.
Here's to all the times i never felt good enough.
Here's to the part of myself i lost while i was with you.
I'm sorry for wanting to be so close.
I'm sorry for being so sexual.
I'm sorry for loving you with everything I own. I would of pawned more off if I had it just so I could love you more. But I think that's where I went wrong.
I want every piece I gave back.
I wish I could pull out all your circuits and rewire you...
so that I'm the only girl you light up to.
If everything was fake you're a good fucking liar.
you would do this one manuver where your hand would cup my face and i'd press my cheek into your palm...that was a good one...where'd you learn that?
was that in the "How to get girls to fall madly in love with you and place their hearts into your hands so you can one day decide you don't want it anymore and rip it in two"?
That's a long fucking title. Long titles mean shitty books. Stop reading those. They never work.
And you know what hurts the most?
The fact that I still care with all my heart for you.
And that your face resides in my dreams...still.
That I still miss you.
You're a prick. I hate you for being perfect to me when you're so clearly not perfect at all.
talking to you is
a shot to the face
a stab in the neck
a thorn in my side
mechanical rhythm
premature banter
mouth like a motor
stability of a child
bad
acting on your impulses
choking on your impositions.
fuck you
full of fucking shit.
you should run for president.
you created malice
you created illogic
you nurture suicide
you cradle ill intentions
you misplaced the hope for humanity
you are the reason children die
you are the rain on my weekend
hate crimes, apartheid, the KKK, and 9/11 are your fault
you killed the jews.
you are cancer
you are spite
you are the shit that we step in with our good shoes
you are self pity
you are self loathing
you are human suffering
fuck you.
Ok ok ok maybe thats a little much.. but hell Im hurt.
i lost the last piece of the puzzle.
and you can try with all your might to make another little cardboard jigsaw fit into that place.
but there will always be a gap left open.
there always be a part that will never hug the rest of the corners
and make it whole.
...that feeling sucks. And i know it's not premanant. like they say "in time..." Fuck time. I'm not that patient.
i feel lonely.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
2) That's your best poem yet.
3) I"m going to print your entry and keep it. I've spent years trying to say what you just did.