He told me that he has always imagined growing old with me, but I don't want to grow old with anyone. That's a dream that died in me long ago.
I'm much too cynical now.
Somewhere deep down in the farthest corners of my mind the idealized life talked about in the storybooks of our youth appeals to me, but now I know that even if a life like that were possible I could never live like that and be content for long. I've realized that it is that little childhood spark of nostalgia that makes me believe for a moment that there are such as things as "happily ever after" and "until death do us part."
but those things just aren't feasible for me because I can't love anyone so purely.
So then, what do I love then if I can't love any one person for the rest of my life?
I love the world.
I love everyone who can make me laugh, anyone who extends a friendly hand or exchanges a smiling glance. I love artists, thinkers, doers, readers, writers, dreamers and anyone with a passionate heart beating in his or her chest. I love anyone with the will to do what they dream about despite opposition of "level headed" thinkers. I love anyone who can inspire.
I love too many people to dedicate all of my heart and soul to one person for the rest of my life. I just can't.
And that's why I'm in so much pain. I want nothing more than to bask in the glow of those around me.....take in all that those people have to offer the world. The converations, the company, the kinship. That's all I want.
....but no one seems to understand that
I'm much too cynical now.
Somewhere deep down in the farthest corners of my mind the idealized life talked about in the storybooks of our youth appeals to me, but now I know that even if a life like that were possible I could never live like that and be content for long. I've realized that it is that little childhood spark of nostalgia that makes me believe for a moment that there are such as things as "happily ever after" and "until death do us part."
but those things just aren't feasible for me because I can't love anyone so purely.
So then, what do I love then if I can't love any one person for the rest of my life?
I love the world.
I love everyone who can make me laugh, anyone who extends a friendly hand or exchanges a smiling glance. I love artists, thinkers, doers, readers, writers, dreamers and anyone with a passionate heart beating in his or her chest. I love anyone with the will to do what they dream about despite opposition of "level headed" thinkers. I love anyone who can inspire.
I love too many people to dedicate all of my heart and soul to one person for the rest of my life. I just can't.
And that's why I'm in so much pain. I want nothing more than to bask in the glow of those around me.....take in all that those people have to offer the world. The converations, the company, the kinship. That's all I want.
....but no one seems to understand that
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
sounds to me you have a really good attitude. or you try to. but say it. saying things is a kind of action, all by itself. like shouting "peace now" in the streets when there is a war on. (which there is) id do it too. it almost sounds though that you feel you need to justify your cynicism. you dont. your hearts a good one. love has a way of taking forms we dont expect. and i think, i know, its not always good. i mean, speaking of cliches! love can be strong as fuck and still be so wrong. i mean hurtful, to both parties. mentally, even physically. i know someone that killed for it. i ... not quite at that point yet... i may not even be as cynical as you are- : )
hug -e.t.