What would Jesus do, Right? well, I died and came back to life. Thats where I have been. Dated Adam M. Erased everything from my past. Friends, everything. Why? because he didn't trust me. I actually let some guy control my life.
Today I woke up to a text from my rockstar.... " The dogs and I care cold and lonely in the bed without you here".. it made me smile. Just the same smile I had the first night we kissed!!! new years 2005, a year that forever changed my life! and years to come. But I couldnt help but feel bitter towards adam. I was stressed because my new found puppy had to go back and she was all the way across town in a bathroom alone. I was sad because I didnt know how to get back to that house either so I had to wait for my friend erin to call me back for directions. Erin was doing something with her church today. I watched Dead Like Me, the episode of season 2. I have to return those movies though so adam doesnt get a bill. Ill pay them friday. Im not that much of a ruthless person, or am I? haha. My moms getting tattooed. something small to remember my uncle mike. Who passed away the night I moved into the Silent Valley home. I pondering and began to feel so much anger and hate! Not towards my uncles death, but towards the X-factor.
"Found all the letters, Heard all the calls, Caught all the glances between the two. I know all the things you thought I never knew." Thats exactly what I feel, minus the letters. I remember him coming back home after a night of drinking (what night doesnt he drink) and he had a missed call from serene on his phone... I wont lie... I listened to it. He gave me a reason to.. she always called him.. He always deleted it. I heard her voice and I wanted to scream. "hey say you just called, BLAH!!! BULLSHIT!" It hurt. He accused me of cheating. Honeslty, thats stupid. He obviously had feelings for her. Hell they are a match made for each other. BUT here are some amazing lines that I feel from the bottom of my heart! <3
cut his heart clean from his chest, he never used it anyway! Statement: True
Forever isnt far enough away from you. Another True Statement.
oh oh my all time favorite.
I burned all the pages, my memories filled with words to you, so they can never betray me again.
4/11 I just had a bridge collapse in the city where my emotions reside. He was my best friend! But best friends dont lie, they don't say everything will be fine when they know it wont. I'm back to the beginning. I look at what I have done in the past 6 months and I dont understand who that person was. weak, vulnerable, and lost! Betrayed. I shouldn't have leaned on him for happiness. He taught me so much about myself and I cant hold anything negative against him, or can I? Because he is weal, he was dishonest and is that what made me stronger? I know who my true friends are and will always be, but mostly who never truely were my friends to begin with. No one truely knew me, no one truely even knows me now. I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I just have to prove to myself that this was just a learning experiance and to let me realize that it's okay to be alone. I have lowered my standards far to much. Alcohol was a problem with me and I let "love" get in the way. I became blind to so many things. I erased my passed because I wanted to make him happy. I said Goodbye to a great friend because of him! I use to be the girl who would never let a man (more like a boy) control me, but I look back and I cant believe I back that very person who I tried so hard not to be. I should blame my mistakes on others and yes it was my fault to not of stood up for myself. I have to depend soley on myself. He was just another piece of the puzzle, a step to the staircase of my strength. To those who stood by me thank you so much for the support! and your honesty! To those who didn't. To those who are against me for whatever reason! Thank you even more!!! Your negative actions make me stronger, your insults, rude remarks, and pitiful death threats only let me see the true hatred of a broken person. I have control of my life now. I know who lied to me from the beginning. I wasn't stupid, its exactly as they say "the truth does hurt".
Today I woke up to a text from my rockstar.... " The dogs and I care cold and lonely in the bed without you here".. it made me smile. Just the same smile I had the first night we kissed!!! new years 2005, a year that forever changed my life! and years to come. But I couldnt help but feel bitter towards adam. I was stressed because my new found puppy had to go back and she was all the way across town in a bathroom alone. I was sad because I didnt know how to get back to that house either so I had to wait for my friend erin to call me back for directions. Erin was doing something with her church today. I watched Dead Like Me, the episode of season 2. I have to return those movies though so adam doesnt get a bill. Ill pay them friday. Im not that much of a ruthless person, or am I? haha. My moms getting tattooed. something small to remember my uncle mike. Who passed away the night I moved into the Silent Valley home. I pondering and began to feel so much anger and hate! Not towards my uncles death, but towards the X-factor.
"Found all the letters, Heard all the calls, Caught all the glances between the two. I know all the things you thought I never knew." Thats exactly what I feel, minus the letters. I remember him coming back home after a night of drinking (what night doesnt he drink) and he had a missed call from serene on his phone... I wont lie... I listened to it. He gave me a reason to.. she always called him.. He always deleted it. I heard her voice and I wanted to scream. "hey say you just called, BLAH!!! BULLSHIT!" It hurt. He accused me of cheating. Honeslty, thats stupid. He obviously had feelings for her. Hell they are a match made for each other. BUT here are some amazing lines that I feel from the bottom of my heart! <3
cut his heart clean from his chest, he never used it anyway! Statement: True
Forever isnt far enough away from you. Another True Statement.
oh oh my all time favorite.
I burned all the pages, my memories filled with words to you, so they can never betray me again.
4/11 I just had a bridge collapse in the city where my emotions reside. He was my best friend! But best friends dont lie, they don't say everything will be fine when they know it wont. I'm back to the beginning. I look at what I have done in the past 6 months and I dont understand who that person was. weak, vulnerable, and lost! Betrayed. I shouldn't have leaned on him for happiness. He taught me so much about myself and I cant hold anything negative against him, or can I? Because he is weal, he was dishonest and is that what made me stronger? I know who my true friends are and will always be, but mostly who never truely were my friends to begin with. No one truely knew me, no one truely even knows me now. I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I just have to prove to myself that this was just a learning experiance and to let me realize that it's okay to be alone. I have lowered my standards far to much. Alcohol was a problem with me and I let "love" get in the way. I became blind to so many things. I erased my passed because I wanted to make him happy. I said Goodbye to a great friend because of him! I use to be the girl who would never let a man (more like a boy) control me, but I look back and I cant believe I back that very person who I tried so hard not to be. I should blame my mistakes on others and yes it was my fault to not of stood up for myself. I have to depend soley on myself. He was just another piece of the puzzle, a step to the staircase of my strength. To those who stood by me thank you so much for the support! and your honesty! To those who didn't. To those who are against me for whatever reason! Thank you even more!!! Your negative actions make me stronger, your insults, rude remarks, and pitiful death threats only let me see the true hatred of a broken person. I have control of my life now. I know who lied to me from the beginning. I wasn't stupid, its exactly as they say "the truth does hurt".