It's Seems, I'm a Royal Dick for Ever
1/6/2005 10:02:49 AM
cockroach human relations are about to go down hill. And I have to clean my dungeon.
Another day of rain on the Island. The gray suits my disposition. I woke up thinking of Well Fleet this morning. Cape Cods beautiful. If it werent for the tourist Id live there. I imagine I have another year here. If things dont change for the better, Ill be hitting the road in January 06. Maybe Portland or Seattle, or New Orleans, or Mexico, or Paris, Prague, Thialand...Fuck, I dont know. Somewhere. They say where ever you go you bring your same shitty self with you. I believe this is true. When I woke up this morning I was offended by own breath. Its no wonder Im single.
Tonight I have an old friend coming over for dinner. Her name is Anastasia and we used to date. But we were best at fucking. Man could we fuck. Thats all over now and Im glad were still friends; her friendships invaluable to me. At the time when we were, dating, (I say dating but this is a farce,) we were really just hanging out. I told her that I wasnt looking to date and that I didnt want a girlfriend or the relationship thing. When she ask me why, I said, because I could never love you. She of course was madly in love with me, and this last part just proves what royal dick I am. Still, it was better than lying. I think. The irony is, is that now I love her dearly and we have a wonderful friendship.
Ive always been accused by various women as being, bad boy friend material and having a phobia of commitment. Ive been thinking about this a lot lately because of a cute girl at work who fancies me. We had relations. We had:
SEX
Of course this form of intercourse, a coarse
of the inner walls
and secrets
through secretions
and wonder and shivers
is a pilgrimage
that leads to inner landscapes
very Un
explored. The strange birds
I see frighten me
and pull me
like roof tops
and moving trains
to places
im not ready for.
And this is exactly how I felt. Especially the next hung-over morning like a diaper on fence. Chain linked of course. We did this several times over and again, great sweeps of snow began to emerge between us. Large mountains. A vast expanse of ocean. Her friend accused me of having, a phobia of commitment. So I had to really think about this because the girl in question I quite adore. And this is what Ive come up with.
Bad Boy Friend Material: A boy who doesnt make a lot of money and most likely never will and so he cant buy you a lot of stuff and take you out to fancy restaurants every weekend. i.e. he cant, nor does he want to support a stay at home wife. Ill fit for domesticity. not marriageable. He usually never gets jealous and lets you do what you want because he does what he wants, even if you do withdraw the poontang, which you find so difficult to do because you have such fantastic sex. And so, no matter how hard you try and make him into someone hes not, it just wont work.
Am I guilty: Yes.
Has a Phobia of Commitment: Afraid of putting all his eggs in one basket and therefore does not give all of himself to you and seems to be on the fence and treat you like a convenience.
Am I guilty: Yes.
Im afraid of committing to someone Im not in love with. Why. Because Ive tried that before and it doesnt work. On top of that, please refer back to, Bad Boy Friend Material. The sad pathetic truth of it is: I havent fallen in love with a girl in a long time. Maybe Im broken. Maybe Im all out of kisses. I havent ruled this out.
Ill have to discuss this further with Anastasia. But first I have to set things in order: I have to ask Hector if he could make himself scarce for the evening. Anastasia, like most people, cares very little for cockroaches. This doesnt bode well for Hector and his plan for a united cockroach/human world. Hes worked very hard on these relations and I feel bad. Ill have to explain to him that these things take time. I mean look at the Middle East! Anyway, Ill work on his behalf. Plant a few seeds for him. Maybe in time we can have a dinner party with Matilda too. Id invite Caldwell but hes bad for digestion. Bastard keeps calling and Ive not answer for him.
Till next time.
C.
1/6/2005 10:02:49 AM
cockroach human relations are about to go down hill. And I have to clean my dungeon.
Another day of rain on the Island. The gray suits my disposition. I woke up thinking of Well Fleet this morning. Cape Cods beautiful. If it werent for the tourist Id live there. I imagine I have another year here. If things dont change for the better, Ill be hitting the road in January 06. Maybe Portland or Seattle, or New Orleans, or Mexico, or Paris, Prague, Thialand...Fuck, I dont know. Somewhere. They say where ever you go you bring your same shitty self with you. I believe this is true. When I woke up this morning I was offended by own breath. Its no wonder Im single.
Tonight I have an old friend coming over for dinner. Her name is Anastasia and we used to date. But we were best at fucking. Man could we fuck. Thats all over now and Im glad were still friends; her friendships invaluable to me. At the time when we were, dating, (I say dating but this is a farce,) we were really just hanging out. I told her that I wasnt looking to date and that I didnt want a girlfriend or the relationship thing. When she ask me why, I said, because I could never love you. She of course was madly in love with me, and this last part just proves what royal dick I am. Still, it was better than lying. I think. The irony is, is that now I love her dearly and we have a wonderful friendship.
Ive always been accused by various women as being, bad boy friend material and having a phobia of commitment. Ive been thinking about this a lot lately because of a cute girl at work who fancies me. We had relations. We had:
SEX
Of course this form of intercourse, a coarse
of the inner walls
and secrets
through secretions
and wonder and shivers
is a pilgrimage
that leads to inner landscapes
very Un
explored. The strange birds
I see frighten me
and pull me
like roof tops
and moving trains
to places
im not ready for.
And this is exactly how I felt. Especially the next hung-over morning like a diaper on fence. Chain linked of course. We did this several times over and again, great sweeps of snow began to emerge between us. Large mountains. A vast expanse of ocean. Her friend accused me of having, a phobia of commitment. So I had to really think about this because the girl in question I quite adore. And this is what Ive come up with.
Bad Boy Friend Material: A boy who doesnt make a lot of money and most likely never will and so he cant buy you a lot of stuff and take you out to fancy restaurants every weekend. i.e. he cant, nor does he want to support a stay at home wife. Ill fit for domesticity. not marriageable. He usually never gets jealous and lets you do what you want because he does what he wants, even if you do withdraw the poontang, which you find so difficult to do because you have such fantastic sex. And so, no matter how hard you try and make him into someone hes not, it just wont work.
Am I guilty: Yes.
Has a Phobia of Commitment: Afraid of putting all his eggs in one basket and therefore does not give all of himself to you and seems to be on the fence and treat you like a convenience.
Am I guilty: Yes.
Im afraid of committing to someone Im not in love with. Why. Because Ive tried that before and it doesnt work. On top of that, please refer back to, Bad Boy Friend Material. The sad pathetic truth of it is: I havent fallen in love with a girl in a long time. Maybe Im broken. Maybe Im all out of kisses. I havent ruled this out.
Ill have to discuss this further with Anastasia. But first I have to set things in order: I have to ask Hector if he could make himself scarce for the evening. Anastasia, like most people, cares very little for cockroaches. This doesnt bode well for Hector and his plan for a united cockroach/human world. Hes worked very hard on these relations and I feel bad. Ill have to explain to him that these things take time. I mean look at the Middle East! Anyway, Ill work on his behalf. Plant a few seeds for him. Maybe in time we can have a dinner party with Matilda too. Id invite Caldwell but hes bad for digestion. Bastard keeps calling and Ive not answer for him.
Till next time.
C.
anyhoo, thanks.