So it's 5am and I decide to go to bed. My mind says "oh, David, before you go, I've got a question I need answered: What is happiness?"
So I say "not tonight, brain, I'd really just like to get some sleep."
And my brain laughs, and then stops suddenly and asks, "I also want to know why humor exists. I'm sorry, but you don't have a choice in this, David."
And here I am. Deep into the question of happiness, why it exists, what it really is made of, and how it relates to death. (because death is where all these questions start)
Is it an evolutionary trait that somehow increases our ability to mate? I don't think so. There are also private happinesses.
Does it exist simply because it exists, and it can never be seen behind? Is it like nothing with nothing behind it?
If that is the case, and there is some existence after Death, what Form does happiness take, then?
What senses do we need in order to have this happiness? Does happiness, or anything, exist outside of our perception of it?
Is anything more than it's parts?
And if it is more than it's parts, once again, why does it exist in that way? What is the point? If it is useless we'd leave it behind.
But how can we leave it behind without also leaving behind our life?
How bound is happiness to hope? Can we experience happiness without the hope of something?
Can a Buddhist be happy?
"And experience, David, where does that go?"
Does it hide in the mind, to die with us? Does it evaporate into the air around us? Is it breathed in by everyone?
"And why are we seperate beings, David? Why is there different matter in the universe?"
What is the purpose of the universal soup of things forming beings that can reflect on their purpose?
Is it a test? Did I make it through the maze? Is the game over now?
"I'm afraid not, David. And when it is, you will not know, because you will not be You anymore."
What will I be, then? What happens to the agent when the simulation ends? Does it stay forever in that final moment, unable to move, breathe, or be anything?
And I notice that these thoughts do not make me happy. And that it's possible that these unhappy thoughts might not mean anything.
So I answer questions with more questions until I find no more questions to ask.
I cannot see.
Tell me what I should be seeing. What is it? What is going to happen to me? Will it ever be...something wonderful?
So I say "not tonight, brain, I'd really just like to get some sleep."
And my brain laughs, and then stops suddenly and asks, "I also want to know why humor exists. I'm sorry, but you don't have a choice in this, David."
And here I am. Deep into the question of happiness, why it exists, what it really is made of, and how it relates to death. (because death is where all these questions start)
Is it an evolutionary trait that somehow increases our ability to mate? I don't think so. There are also private happinesses.
Does it exist simply because it exists, and it can never be seen behind? Is it like nothing with nothing behind it?
If that is the case, and there is some existence after Death, what Form does happiness take, then?
What senses do we need in order to have this happiness? Does happiness, or anything, exist outside of our perception of it?
Is anything more than it's parts?
And if it is more than it's parts, once again, why does it exist in that way? What is the point? If it is useless we'd leave it behind.
But how can we leave it behind without also leaving behind our life?
How bound is happiness to hope? Can we experience happiness without the hope of something?
Can a Buddhist be happy?
"And experience, David, where does that go?"
Does it hide in the mind, to die with us? Does it evaporate into the air around us? Is it breathed in by everyone?
"And why are we seperate beings, David? Why is there different matter in the universe?"
What is the purpose of the universal soup of things forming beings that can reflect on their purpose?
Is it a test? Did I make it through the maze? Is the game over now?
"I'm afraid not, David. And when it is, you will not know, because you will not be You anymore."
What will I be, then? What happens to the agent when the simulation ends? Does it stay forever in that final moment, unable to move, breathe, or be anything?
And I notice that these thoughts do not make me happy. And that it's possible that these unhappy thoughts might not mean anything.
So I answer questions with more questions until I find no more questions to ask.
I cannot see.
Tell me what I should be seeing. What is it? What is going to happen to me? Will it ever be...something wonderful?
i'm glad i have you around.
i'm listening to your version of al by myself.
we should have made something.
What they are useful for, though, is working out who you are and where your sticking points are. I doubt that's much help, but there you go.