What can we do about our mothers?
My mom wrote me today, saying simply: "I feel stuck."
She doesn't ever say things like that. While it's been the case since 1995, and I've wished there was something I could do (knowing that money is the only thing that would help her, and her knowing that I wouldn't spend my life pursuing money).
And in turn I feel stuck. It's hard to watch your mother lose hope of ever leaving this place she hates, while at the same time (partial thanks go to me) losing her faith in God and afterlife.
She wants a few simple things so she live out the rest of her pain in some solitude and beauty. She wants out of Fresno, a little cabin in the mountains, and a trip to somewhere out of America.
If I would've swallowed my disgust and got a Business degree instead, I could be making an income that easily allow me to pay for those things. But I didn't. I was selfish. And now it may be too late. If I quit now, change directions and pursue the common selfish pursuit of capital for compassionate purpose instead.. it will still be a couple years before I land a job that pays enough.
Despite my friends saying that she got herself into this situation, I say that it is untrue. She did some bad things, not many more than I have. That doesn't mean I deserve a life of failures- and she doesn't, either.
I know a lot of satisfaction is found in one's head, that one's physical place and situation should be transcended, but I've never been in the pain she's in, and I've not been alone for nearly a decade- yet.
What makes me feel useless more than anything else is not my inability to do things for myself, but my inability to do things for my family, and the people I love. But maybe even that is selfish.
My mom wrote me today, saying simply: "I feel stuck."
She doesn't ever say things like that. While it's been the case since 1995, and I've wished there was something I could do (knowing that money is the only thing that would help her, and her knowing that I wouldn't spend my life pursuing money).
And in turn I feel stuck. It's hard to watch your mother lose hope of ever leaving this place she hates, while at the same time (partial thanks go to me) losing her faith in God and afterlife.
She wants a few simple things so she live out the rest of her pain in some solitude and beauty. She wants out of Fresno, a little cabin in the mountains, and a trip to somewhere out of America.
If I would've swallowed my disgust and got a Business degree instead, I could be making an income that easily allow me to pay for those things. But I didn't. I was selfish. And now it may be too late. If I quit now, change directions and pursue the common selfish pursuit of capital for compassionate purpose instead.. it will still be a couple years before I land a job that pays enough.
Despite my friends saying that she got herself into this situation, I say that it is untrue. She did some bad things, not many more than I have. That doesn't mean I deserve a life of failures- and she doesn't, either.
I know a lot of satisfaction is found in one's head, that one's physical place and situation should be transcended, but I've never been in the pain she's in, and I've not been alone for nearly a decade- yet.
What makes me feel useless more than anything else is not my inability to do things for myself, but my inability to do things for my family, and the people I love. But maybe even that is selfish.
Asking your last question is enough to convince me you're not being selfish, if that's worth anything. Don't beat yourself up.
yes, you are correct.