That is what I call a can of worms! Of course I have loved someone who doesn’t love me back, and I am assuming most people have also experienced the same. I have loved partners, family, so called friends and to no avail. Of course you cannot make someone love you, or be the person they will love. For me it all comes down to self doubt and esteem. Psychologically speaking for most of us it comes down to different attachment styles and how we may or may not project them unto one another, knowingly or unknowingly.
So loving someone who doesn’t love me back, has hurt me and helped me grow in many ways; and that I am thankful for. With men tending to stray away from insecurely attached me, I tend to hurt myself in the long run even though nothing was wrong with my being. And that takes me to learning about letting go of the worries I have when it comes to how others view me. I have noted to myself that I should never listen to someone wholeheartedly anymore because I never know when someone could feel differently and fail to communicate. So I stray away.
My mother is a very sick person, mentally, physically, and emotionally. As of recent, I used to ask myself, “If anyone is going to love you, should it not be your mother?” And I do not receive that love from her even though I have tried time and time again to be the person she wants and needs. When I decided to perform the biggest detachment of love in my history, it eventually came to be a very good thing in my life because I was able to perform the “fuck it” mentality in other dynamics. Now I am able to be myself without wanting to cater to anybody and that becomes more and more acceptable to me as time goes on.
I have also had friends that I wanted to be closer to and that was just never meant to be, leaving me often confused or feeling embarrassed or anxious about making friends in the future. One of the things you always here, “its not you, its me.” Well, in terms of love I have begun to flip that into, “its not me, its you.” (And if you don’t like it you can fuck off)
In any case, I am doing my best to ignore the feelings that come with not being loved, and of course I am surely held responsible for being on the opposite side of fence. Love is a two way street, don’t mind all of my cliche.
