misschris

yeah.
got to thinking about all sorts of random things.
fall leaves.
smoking with bare feet.
swimming in the ocean.
salt water tastes.
kissing gay boys in new york city.
velvet jackets.

dunno, i guess i've been feeling a little starved for sensations lately.
most things are so grey, mostly my cubicle.
and i can't tell anyone how SICK i am of not having pink hair.
i don't know why i got it all deep brown.
i mean, i think it would've been wiser to just get it cut.
meh.
it's probably for the best.
i'll have to keep it brown for any theater i do, and hopefully, that will be romeo and juliet in the fall.

but
i'm
a
little
lost.

like that last item on my list, the kissing the gay boys, i guess that's something that i have a pentient for. i don't quite understand my undying love for the homosexual male species. i feel stupid sometimes, like a fag hag, since i know so many gay dudes and am at my best when i'm around them. so strange. and, of course, my horrible habit for always falling for the gay ones before they come fully into their gayness. it's sad. i know they're gay sometimes even before THEY know they're gay, and i still fall. stupid.

i mean, i know there are dudes out there that feel like they're women living in men's bodies and vice versa, but what if you feel like a gay man in a chick's body? don't get me wrong, i LOVES me some bein-a-kickass-woman and i LOVES my womanly body/self. but somedays, i wish i knew what it was like. i imagine it would be very scary. different. always feeling different.

don't know why i just decided to share that with all of you. i probably sound crazy.

and i think that's ok.