i'm more amused with myself and my ridiculous childish immature self inflicted pain. the end.
so what's the point?...
so what's the point?...
I was thinking why don't I have any favorite books on the left there <--- hm... It's not like I don't "have" books that i like. It's probably the ones that I really like wouldn't make any sense to anyone or at least their titles wouldn't. Plus I think my literary tastes change every few years as I grow up... Things that absolutely bore the...
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no, thaks.
citrus:
words.
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
mostly he just listened. not much to say, i guess....
he doesn't know you any better than i do. that he hopes we have a good time.
are you sure you wouldn't rather know what I had to tell him?
just that i don't know lots about you, but you seem cool...
and they think it's awesome that i'm roaming around meeting people i don't know...
mom's whole thing about strangers, you know
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
mostly he just listened. not much to say, i guess....
he doesn't know you any better than i do. that he hopes we have a good time.
are you sure you wouldn't rather know what I had to tell him?
just that i don't know lots about you, but you seem cool...
and they think it's awesome that i'm roaming around meeting people i don't know...
mom's whole thing about strangers, you know
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
invisigirl:
i read your previous journal....
we all want to think that people we love have never done freaky shit before meeting us, but the truth is, we've done some pretty freaky shit ourselves--but somehow that's ok, right? haha we're all only human. freaky shit happens.
listen to the EBTG song- Fascination.
we all want to think that people we love have never done freaky shit before meeting us, but the truth is, we've done some pretty freaky shit ourselves--but somehow that's ok, right? haha we're all only human. freaky shit happens.
listen to the EBTG song- Fascination.
There is something I've been thinking about for the last couple of days and I can't get it out of my head. And it's something I'm not sure people could relate to or understand. And it's not that relevant. But maybe if I write it down it will go away...
Sometime ago there was a girl I fell in love with
and it didn't last...
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Sometime ago there was a girl I fell in love with
and it didn't last...
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evanx:
Hey dude, that sucks. But I know how you feel. I had still hung out with an ex, and stories like that just make you want to shoot yourself. I found the best way to get over it is to purge all of those thoughts of her out of your brain. It ain't easy.
Watching "Swingers" always made me feel better.
Watching "Swingers" always made me feel better.
citrus:
people are strange.
maybe she just wanted to be better than the other girl or something.
we look for acceptance in all the wrong places some times.
no peace with out.
~~~~
p.s.
no one makes us anything we're not already...
but i'm so glad you're happy sometimes.
and that maybe i got a smile out of you... *raised eyebrows*
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
and:
oh,
well that's okay.
you like this place because it talks back, right?
well... i try to put myself in her shoes... just for a second, right?
and then... i'm not trying to offer excuses. there's certainly not a good one.
you're more than welcome to continue ripping her head off.
but i will try to be quiet about it next time, eh?... as difficult as that may be.
nevermind. i don't want to make that promise, but i don't want you to be conscious of anyone's response...
would draining your brain of thoughts of her help either?!
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
i tell you i don't have answers... not ones good enough for me, so certainly not good enough for you because you deserve better than what i've got.
blah blah
ultimately i don't know.
but i think it's only your problem so far as you let it bother you.
it is definitely an intimate sharing. what is the real source of the anger? did you want her to be yours? is that a problem?
why would you be disgusted that you love a person who disappoints you? because of that silly line in a movie (how great was that?!?) about how we are what we love?
well just think: if you can love the very least of them, what capacity do you have to love the best.
it's good that love doesn't often discriminate. but you have no power/control/manipulative abilities for something that happened already.
when do we stop torturing ourselves?
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
see,
you share this because it's bothering you... and i go to pick it apart like i can do something to make it better.
and what i'm doing is challenging you to make it stop when if it were so simply to quit it, if we had already overcome that challenge, the idea would no longer be a big deal, right?
i'm just convinced that anger is indicative of fear.
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
maybe she just wanted to be better than the other girl or something.
we look for acceptance in all the wrong places some times.
no peace with out.
~~~~
p.s.
no one makes us anything we're not already...
but i'm so glad you're happy sometimes.
and that maybe i got a smile out of you... *raised eyebrows*
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
and:
oh,
well that's okay.
you like this place because it talks back, right?
well... i try to put myself in her shoes... just for a second, right?
and then... i'm not trying to offer excuses. there's certainly not a good one.
you're more than welcome to continue ripping her head off.
but i will try to be quiet about it next time, eh?... as difficult as that may be.
nevermind. i don't want to make that promise, but i don't want you to be conscious of anyone's response...
would draining your brain of thoughts of her help either?!
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
i tell you i don't have answers... not ones good enough for me, so certainly not good enough for you because you deserve better than what i've got.
blah blah
ultimately i don't know.
but i think it's only your problem so far as you let it bother you.
it is definitely an intimate sharing. what is the real source of the anger? did you want her to be yours? is that a problem?
why would you be disgusted that you love a person who disappoints you? because of that silly line in a movie (how great was that?!?) about how we are what we love?
well just think: if you can love the very least of them, what capacity do you have to love the best.
it's good that love doesn't often discriminate. but you have no power/control/manipulative abilities for something that happened already.
when do we stop torturing ourselves?
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
see,
you share this because it's bothering you... and i go to pick it apart like i can do something to make it better.
and what i'm doing is challenging you to make it stop when if it were so simply to quit it, if we had already overcome that challenge, the idea would no longer be a big deal, right?
i'm just convinced that anger is indicative of fear.
[Edited on Aug 05, 2003]
I went to see Whale Rider
last night at it was a good movie. I even shed
some tears or something... oh, and I don't remember when, maybe a couple of days ago I had a dream that my friends list was all gray... So today
I was pleasantly surprised to see it unchanged...
1. That's not right that i'm having dreams about this.
2....
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last night at it was a good movie. I even shed
some tears or something... oh, and I don't remember when, maybe a couple of days ago I had a dream that my friends list was all gray... So today
I was pleasantly surprised to see it unchanged...
1. That's not right that i'm having dreams about this.
2....
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citrus:
lol
do we need to get a life or what?
i am SO excited.
(love a boy that can cry for an evocative movie... so emo )
i wink too much, especially since i'm not a winker. gaw.
i am smiling SO MUCH right now.
i have to shop tonight or i will never get it done. but i want to go home and water my plants.
i feel so mean that i've asked the boy to take care of them while i'm gone, but i think i may just bring them inside and turn the air to around 75 so they'll stay nice.
he's the most responsible person in my neighborhood that i know and making that statement is a sad sad reflection.
you're gonna look spiffy, so i want to at least look... presentable.
i tell you i was tempted to show up in house-clothes (dammit, more winking)... hopefully, you'll get my tone irl and i won't have to do that cheez-schmo winking thing.
hehehehe.
i am acting ridiculous, misha.
(also, you don't have to return silly messages like the one i left you sunday. but thank you! )
omgoodness.
oh, but i think you SHOULD wear the tux, so i can tell who you are
this winking has GOT to stop. it's not even funny to ME anymore.
and for your information, i like to wear skirts A LOT... it's just comfy. not sticking to the crotch like pants, and if i get hot, i can just stand outside with my legs shoulder-width apart and let the breeze make it better. and i can sit crosslegged in style and comfort.
i'm not dressing up for YOU... psha (hehehe)
oh this is gonna be FUN, huh?
but i'm sad you'll have to work on a SATURDAY!
[Edited on Aug 04, 2003]
do we need to get a life or what?
i am SO excited.
(love a boy that can cry for an evocative movie... so emo
)
i wink too much, especially since i'm not a winker. gaw.
i am smiling SO MUCH right now.
i have to shop tonight or i will never get it done. but i want to go home and water my plants.
i feel so mean that i've asked the boy to take care of them while i'm gone, but i think i may just bring them inside and turn the air to around 75 so they'll stay nice.
he's the most responsible person in my neighborhood that i know and making that statement is a sad sad reflection.
you're gonna look spiffy, so i want to at least look... presentable.
i tell you i was tempted to show up in house-clothes
(dammit, more winking)... hopefully, you'll get my tone irl and i won't have to do that cheez-schmo winking thing.
hehehehe.
i am acting ridiculous, misha.
(also, you don't have to return silly messages like the one i left you sunday. but thank you!
)
omgoodness.
oh, but i think you SHOULD wear the tux, so i can tell who you are
this winking has GOT to stop. it's not even funny to ME anymore.
and for your information, i like to wear skirts A LOT... it's just comfy. not sticking to the crotch like pants, and if i get hot, i can just stand outside with my legs shoulder-width apart and let the breeze make it better. and i can sit crosslegged in style and comfort.
i'm not dressing up for YOU... psha (hehehe)
oh this is gonna be FUN, huh?
but i'm sad you'll have to work on a SATURDAY!
[Edited on Aug 04, 2003]
grayblue:
all of your friends were me? aw, i feel so special.. and slightly scared...
I'm talking too much lately and confusing the hell
out of myself... Now I want to be silent for a week.
out of myself... Now I want to be silent for a week.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
mitsou:
couldn't agree with you more about Nostalghia, it also helps that I have a soft spot for 'slow' movies.
csilla:
ugh i feel the same way. way too much talking. sometimes silence can work wonders.
i can never keep my mouth shit though....
hope you are well
xoxo csilla
i can never keep my mouth shit though....
hope you are well
xoxo csilla
I have a movie for every night... Last night it was
the "Pianist" the latest Roman Polanski situation...
I started watching it, and I just couldn't... I can't
bring myself to watch movies like that... Such a pussy, you might say... Well, I said the same thing to myself, got drunk and started watching it again. This time successfully. The best part of that movie...
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the "Pianist" the latest Roman Polanski situation...
I started watching it, and I just couldn't... I can't
bring myself to watch movies like that... Such a pussy, you might say... Well, I said the same thing to myself, got drunk and started watching it again. This time successfully. The best part of that movie...
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
adelina:
By the way, have you read Kurkov's Death and the Penguin? There is a character named Misha the Penguin in the book. I figure that's where you got your name hehe
hehe
mistressmissy:
when i grow up huh?
well umm what are you doing august 7th?
well umm what are you doing august 7th?
how would you in one sentence express overwhelming rage and a complete inability to do anything about it? When things spin out of control and take on their own path? When you say things to people that make them realize what an asshole you are? When it makes you realize the same thing?
Moments like that make it clear how
hypocritical I am... I've had...
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Moments like that make it clear how
hypocritical I am... I've had...
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bettietwoguns:
i try to pretend i'm not hyprocritical. i rarely let myself see that others are giving to me. then again, sometimes i really DON'T see it . . .
No Time to fuck
But you like the rush
And where would we be
without sums
Deals we make
Brown paper bag
makes for a hat
when it rains on
your head mate
cheers for that
when the world
stops for snow
when you laugh
I'm inside
your mouth
sucking the sun
baboons and birds
with the weight
of you dear
I forgot
- -...
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But you like the rush
And where would we be
without sums
Deals we make
Brown paper bag
makes for a hat
when it rains on
your head mate
cheers for that
when the world
stops for snow
when you laugh
I'm inside
your mouth
sucking the sun
baboons and birds
with the weight
of you dear
I forgot
- -...
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citrus:
so you should be.
but i say (this is just my ideal - so it doesn't really count for shit) find people who don't remind so much.
i have an idea that people may be attracted to the opposite sex that reminds them of self. maybe. it's just an idea. i look at couples and smirk that their features are so similar.
i take it back. not true. i don't think any of my exes look like me. gah, i hope not.
i'm struck with the horny thing. it fucking sucks. i mean, it feels nice to be horny... doesn't feel nice that i won't do anything about it. whatever.
i'm not fucking married people, remember... or i suppose i could easily remedy.
why is it that dirty old men do so much coming on? married men... am i some kind of stale situation refreshment or something.
~~~~~
FUCKING A MISHA!
excuse the language.
i watched adaptation on sunday. the night before last.
i liked it a lot.
i want to read the orchid theif, but it's all checked out.
i love the line you fed me. you are what you love. which is good to find truth in because i want to be "everything" and i generally find myself in love with "everything"...
and then i watched a rerun of this (all that jazz) and have a new crush. he sings a song about rainbows and i swoon because i want to be a rainbow, too.
i'm so full of it sometimes.
about schmidt was almost boring but endearing. i love movies about a day in the life. another one - "all or nothing". i cried and cried.
i will call you tonight. it's my turn
i will also call heather again.
[Edited on Jul 29, 2003]
but i say (this is just my ideal - so it doesn't really count for shit) find people who don't remind so much.
i have an idea that people may be attracted to the opposite sex that reminds them of self. maybe. it's just an idea. i look at couples and smirk that their features are so similar.
i take it back. not true. i don't think any of my exes look like me. gah, i hope not.
i'm struck with the horny thing. it fucking sucks. i mean, it feels nice to be horny... doesn't feel nice that i won't do anything about it. whatever.
i'm not fucking married people, remember... or i suppose i could easily remedy.
why is it that dirty old men do so much coming on? married men... am i some kind of stale situation refreshment or something.
~~~~~
FUCKING A MISHA!
excuse the language.
i watched adaptation on sunday. the night before last.
i liked it a lot.
i want to read the orchid theif, but it's all checked out.
i love the line you fed me. you are what you love. which is good to find truth in because i want to be "everything" and i generally find myself in love with "everything"...
and then i watched a rerun of this (all that jazz) and have a new crush. he sings a song about rainbows and i swoon because i want to be a rainbow, too.
i'm so full of it sometimes.
about schmidt was almost boring but endearing. i love movies about a day in the life. another one - "all or nothing". i cried and cried.
i will call you tonight. it's my turn
i will also call heather again.
[Edited on Jul 29, 2003]
mistressmissy:
are you gonna come see me tomorrow? *gives your the pouty puppy eyes*
Mark Asnin, a photographer whose work I've seen
here and there. Pictures below were shot for a personal project on Charlie - an unemployed, depressed, drug addicted Brooklyn resident...
Have a nice day.
http://www.ai-ap.com/ap/appop/images/138.jpg
http://www.ai-ap.com/ap/appop/images/139.jpg
- - - - - - - - - - - -
oh and also I broke down and bought some new
cds today...
1. and you will know us...
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here and there. Pictures below were shot for a personal project on Charlie - an unemployed, depressed, drug addicted Brooklyn resident...
Have a nice day.
http://www.ai-ap.com/ap/appop/images/138.jpg
http://www.ai-ap.com/ap/appop/images/139.jpg
- - - - - - - - - - - -
oh and also I broke down and bought some new
cds today...
1. and you will know us...
Read More
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
bettietwoguns:
oh YES YES YES!!!
i cannot wait!! how long will you be here?
i cannot wait!! how long will you be here?
desiderata:
i've seen those shots somewhere.. i like them. i love photography. have you seen wintereisse? by luc delahaye? you might like him. documentary, shot in russia. all color, really haunting and beautiful.
i like trail of the dead a lot. haven't heard of the rest, but now i'm curious. hmm...
i like trail of the dead a lot. haven't heard of the rest, but now i'm curious. hmm...
Biomorphic:
"Shaped like life" -- a made thing that imitates the form and evolution of the organic. Invariably curvy, but more subtle, shaped like musculature or viscera: sinuous, and often drenched with ectoplasmic ooze. Inspirations for the biomorphic may be drawn from any part of the plant and animal kingdoms, but mammalian and insectoid forms are the all-time chart toppers.
I love that phrase -...
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"Shaped like life" -- a made thing that imitates the form and evolution of the organic. Invariably curvy, but more subtle, shaped like musculature or viscera: sinuous, and often drenched with ectoplasmic ooze. Inspirations for the biomorphic may be drawn from any part of the plant and animal kingdoms, but mammalian and insectoid forms are the all-time chart toppers.
I love that phrase -...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
citrus:
sounds good. all good.
i'm working to save dough, too...
if i can keep from fucking losing it. damn.
i think i'm getting a good hold of my fuck-up technique, as well.
i want to be rising early... it'd be good for me.
maybe i'll start tomorrow.
blue eyes will miss you.
i remember running across that definition before, while reading the dictionary (seriously... good toilet lit) and loved the word. i love words... i hate them.
but i think life takes so many shapes.
i'm ready for a new one, too.
ah, and
some of my fonder memories are of being in/around mosh pits. good good times.
i'm glad you got to be there. sometimes sore is good for us, eh?
[Edited on Jul 22, 2003]
i'm working to save dough, too...
if i can keep from fucking losing it. damn.
i think i'm getting a good hold of my fuck-up technique, as well.
i want to be rising early... it'd be good for me.
maybe i'll start tomorrow.
blue eyes will miss you.
i remember running across that definition before, while reading the dictionary (seriously... good toilet lit) and loved the word. i love words... i hate them.
but i think life takes so many shapes.
i'm ready for a new one, too.
ah, and
some of my fonder memories are of being in/around mosh pits. good good times.
i'm glad you got to be there. sometimes sore is good for us, eh?
[Edited on Jul 22, 2003]
heathermaxine:
i don't care for the new grog shop. though the red is nice.
and i like that you said you always want to contradict me and not always disagree with me. though i'm not sure what the difference is...
after reading this i just asked someone, "what's life shaped like?" and he said, "sometimes like shit." words of truth if i ever heard 'em.
and i like that you said you always want to contradict me and not always disagree with me. though i'm not sure what the difference is...
after reading this i just asked someone, "what's life shaped like?" and he said, "sometimes like shit." words of truth if i ever heard 'em.
am I turning into BlixaSinister?...
Penny: got your message... your phone sucks...
will email today...
you get stronger when climbing hills.
Penny: got your message... your phone sucks...
will email today...
you get stronger when climbing hills.
citrus:
are you? am i?
only one blixa... we're just following a good example. maybe. always stay the same. everchanging.
i know. i'm working on a solution.
hills and hills and hills on the horizon. always. *sigh*
thank you. it's a mantra.
what you said is kindof funny.
it sucks, but i have to agree with you for the most part. what sucks even more is that i think a good romantic relationship should be based on the bond made during friendship and the sex is just a way to express it and provide for one another physical pieces and pleasure.
blah dee blah. i think heather says that - blah dee blah. i like it.
i'm excited. i will drive you to work - i'd like to actually so i have a good awakening every morning. if you'll still let me.
i'm sorry you're so strapped for time. this time i'm taking now is out of my work but i will make it up this evening like i did last night and friday(and the night before and before and before and ... ). i think it's ridiculous that i sit on a saturday and feel bad for the work i could be doing. it doesn't end. i don't guess i'd want it to.
not too bad, two days.
i will email my itinerary. i will fix my phone . like today. i think i'll go now and do it. while i can remember
i forgot to eat lunch yesterday. tonight i have leftovers from last night's family gathering.
hi!
i want to smile at you.
[Edited on Jul 22, 2003]
[Edited on Jul 22, 2003]
only one blixa... we're just following a good example. maybe. always stay the same. everchanging.
i know. i'm working on a solution.
hills and hills and hills on the horizon. always. *sigh*
thank you. it's a mantra.
what you said is kindof funny.
it sucks, but i have to agree with you for the most part. what sucks even more is that i think a good romantic relationship should be based on the bond made during friendship and the sex is just a way to express it and provide for one another physical pieces and pleasure.
blah dee blah. i think heather says that - blah dee blah. i like it.
i'm excited. i will drive you to work - i'd like to actually so i have a good awakening every morning. if you'll still let me.
i'm sorry you're so strapped for time. this time i'm taking now is out of my work but i will make it up this evening like i did last night and friday(and the night before and before and before and ... ). i think it's ridiculous that i sit on a saturday and feel bad for the work i could be doing. it doesn't end. i don't guess i'd want it to.
not too bad, two days.
i will email my itinerary. i will fix my phone . like today. i think i'll go now and do it. while i can remember
i forgot to eat lunch yesterday. tonight i have leftovers from last night's family gathering.
hi!
i want to smile at you.
[Edited on Jul 22, 2003]
[Edited on Jul 22, 2003]
mistressmissy:
it seems so many people are leaving us.
i miss mel
i wonder how shes doing.
i miss mel
i wonder how shes doing.
but i'm much too scatterbrain for that idea.
nice ideal, though...
~~~~~~
good question.
we can share scars in a few days.
holy shit.
[Edited on Aug 06, 2003]
i sometimes think of how lovely it will be when i have stacks and stacks of books i've read, and those books are the pedestals for furniture, ya know...
like, plywood supported by stacks of books to serve as bookshelves.
interesting. lol.
[Edited on Aug 06, 2003]