mimesociety

"All I ever wanted was Love and Life and happy afternoons watching tv from your room while you're laying in my arms."



I feel like i've hit a wall.
this happens once every 2-3 months.
This "wall" is this thing this idea that i cannot progress further in my life.
I know I can and I want to, but I still feel like I'm not going to amount to anything or accomplish anything.
I feel stuck.
I mean... what am I really?
I am almost 26.
I have a job that pays me under the table.
I have no insurance.
I dont make enough to live on my own.
I dont have all the skills necessary in life to get me where i want.
I finished college... but all I can count for is a degree that matters almost NOWHERE except for teaching Highschool.
If i get my master's degree in this field then... i can teach college.
I want to be on film.

things i love and are passionate about:
acting, my friends, frisbee, living well, kids, love

my skill set includes:
acting, non union carpenter's assistant, my ability to be very patient with people, my compassion, random knowledge


What from those two categories will actually get me a good paying job and where i want to be?
the answer is none of them.

acting wont get me anywhere if I am still where i am now.
I need to get out in order for that to work.

my friends will always be there to help me... but i cant survive off them. I cannot make a living off of them.

frisbee is fun but it has no future in my future other than being a hobby and a way to keep in shape.

living well: i am very good at this. I can live life to the fullest... however... I cannot do it completely to the fullest because that requires $$ and that's $$ i do not have. So this has to be put on hold.

kids: I dont have my own. I want them. eventually. but i cannot support them now. if i was around other people's children... and i am getting my license to teach elementary... i would fear that i wouldn't be adequate enough for them. I wouldn't do things the "right" way. I love to be around kids and I am patient with them and I can see a future in teaching.. but... teaching doesnt pay enough. and it's not paying anything right now because i'm not a teacher yet.

love: i cannot survive on this. I tried. for 4 years i tried. it prevented me from getting where i needed to be in a timely fashion. I am not saying i am devoid of love. I'm not. I love deeply and passionately. I love gently and honestly. I love what i cannot love all the time... and I cannot love what i cannot love anymore. it doesn't help and it surely doesnt pay.

I am not a carpenter's assistant. I COULD be. I have knowledge in carpentry... and that makes good money...seasonally. But again... it doesn't pay enough in the long run. Maybe I'll apply for an assistant position. maybe not.... but unless i go all the way and go through more training and waste more time... i will most likely not be able to pursue this.

being patient with people is not a profession. although... if it were... I could make some money off of it. Not great money... because there are some people i just want to beat with a shovel.

my compassion is my core. I think out of all my friends THAT is the one thing i have over them. (not like it's a competition) but everyone has something they are really good at. My friend Mike is really good at sports. doesn't matter the sport he's good at it. He hasn't ever played rugby but i'm sure if he did he would dominate.
i have friends and family members that are really good at photography. I LOVE photography. I've take courses. I've done my share, but they are still better than I am. Acting. I love acting... but i have friends who would be on broadway long before i would make it in a local production. point is... the one thing i'm good at is the amount of compassion i have... and that's not something i can make a living off of. I cannot make money off of being nice or caring for people. the world (unfortunately) doesn't work like that.

I am very smart. I have a pretty high IQ... but there is a lot i dont know about. I was never really good at math... but if i was i could be considered a genius. I do know a lot about a wide range of things. i could tell you a little bit about particles, neutrinos, wildlife, extinct animals, wind instruments, video games, comics, art, mythology, a little cartography, etc etc... but not anything more specific. i can give general information or random facts... but unless i was on a quiz show like jeopardy that had all the questions i knew... i wouldn't make any profit from knowing any of that.



so where do i go?
where do i start my new life?
i need to find an avenue and go with it... even if i dont like it.
I want to prepare my life for a family i dont even have yet.
I want to get a job that makes a lot of money and has amazing benefits.
I want this... not for myself... but for my future children.

Well..... enough blabbing about the WALL for now.



I am working 2 nights this week.
Tomorrow night and Tuesday night... and then... on wednesday...I fly to NASHVILLE.
I'm going to stay with a friend of mine who lives there now... and I'm going to see one of my favorite bands- CASSINO.
if you're in the area of Nashville.... come see CASSINO. the show is only $5.
but make sure I can get in too. I'm traveling 1100miles to see them.
I'm only going to be there for 1 day then i have to return to help my fraternity with initiation.
As an alum with a theater degree there are things they require of me. So, i shall help them.
Then I have a ball to go to. I currently do not have a date... but i will get one. and I will have a ball.
i need to reserve a hotel room though.
i better do that soon.

Anywhoo...

It's christmas season. Time to forget. BRING ON THE SNOW!!!!!!!!!


Oh yeah...i think i might be going to Pittsburgh the 3rd week of Dec.
anyone out there??


well...see ya later!