ok kids, what is wrong with Miffy time!!
Finally, after months of being wishy washy and boyfriend after boyfriend after.. I don't know, toys with male members that didn't fit right - I'm finally picking up and moving for at least 6 months to Japan with my small (he hates being called that, by the way) but generally good boyfriend. He lets me wear bear-coat, despite it being pink, furry, and 100% authentic lolita, he doesn't mind my obsession with tweezing things, he shared the Japanese building labeled "Bukkake Entertainment Satellite... OH!!!" with me, he stumbled about and finally came on my last spontaneous trip to tokyo with me, and somewhere in there, he still buys me fruit.
But after a long while of talking and convincing and slow decision making that embodies who he is, I finally got him to agree... with his tiny salary, and my livable one, we're moving. Tokyo it be.
And I'm getting nervous. You'd think that I'd be entirely sure of myself having made such a strong argument for myself and Japan in the days I had to work on him to get him to come, his final statement being "if I don't go with you, I might be giving up the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to regret losing that" Which I think is rather flattering, other than the fact that I had to convince him and persuade him to make him realize that I may be the best living creature on the planet for the guy. I mean who else would put up with his horrible jokes? Then again, my multi-language puns always make him sick.
There is something to be said about arguing with someone, or "discussing" rather, and having to listen to all the negatives that dissuade you as much as you persuade. I'm generally not a weak person, by any means, emotionless and cold, logical... and somewhat hermitous, but it's pretty hard to push me off from where I wanna be. I'm a wannabe, yes, it's true.
So between looking at apartments alone constantly trying to run through my limited Japanese and learning train lines and station names that I have never encountered in Tokyo and yet may end up living there, he ignores my cries for help and occasionally will click an apartment link I send him. I sit on the muji website trying to find out how much it will cost to have a futon and all the furniture, whether or not I will bring a pan or buy one there... the cost efficiency of buying furniture, or renting a furnished place... or researching how to get internet setup, which we need to work.
I'm working diligently, between my job, trying to be at least mildly social, and researching.. and I feel like all the effort is on me, because I just tend to be thorough that way and Eric seems to just do things and hope they work out. I'm lazy, I procrastinate, I wear pjs all day if I can, but that doesn't mean I don't look up apartment information before I move to another country in less than a month.
Maybe all that time I persuaded him and listened to him tell me it wasn't good or that I should go without him or that he couldn't "put his life on hold" for me... (even though he has no job and is only applying online, so he can do that from jp and fly back if need be, and I got him his current part-time job that allows him to travel with me) that I don't feel like it will work and I'm not worth putting his life on hold.
Tomorrow, I go to the apple store because my powerbook is jankified. I go to the geek store to get a tv card for my computer, so I can play games in my room and if we don't have a tv in japan, I can take my monitor and we can use that (yes, I've been thinking it through) and I go to BodyM... because I need to have my chest piercing removed, and I want to have it redone fresh before I leave the country.
I also need to make a dentist appointment, my teeth must be perfect, because in one month, dentistry will not be available to me.
Perhaps the jetlag, the stress of moving, the emotional upheavel of having to convince someone you're worth it is just too much for one tiny asian to bear. Or maybe I should eat food, because I haven't had anything all day since my millennium dinner last night.
I'm a girl, it happens some times.
ps - bear coat rules. and that's one long ass post, I should give a prize to anyone who reads my emotional whining. ugh. I'm embarassed for my fingers that had to type this crap,
Finally, after months of being wishy washy and boyfriend after boyfriend after.. I don't know, toys with male members that didn't fit right - I'm finally picking up and moving for at least 6 months to Japan with my small (he hates being called that, by the way) but generally good boyfriend. He lets me wear bear-coat, despite it being pink, furry, and 100% authentic lolita, he doesn't mind my obsession with tweezing things, he shared the Japanese building labeled "Bukkake Entertainment Satellite... OH!!!" with me, he stumbled about and finally came on my last spontaneous trip to tokyo with me, and somewhere in there, he still buys me fruit.
But after a long while of talking and convincing and slow decision making that embodies who he is, I finally got him to agree... with his tiny salary, and my livable one, we're moving. Tokyo it be.
And I'm getting nervous. You'd think that I'd be entirely sure of myself having made such a strong argument for myself and Japan in the days I had to work on him to get him to come, his final statement being "if I don't go with you, I might be giving up the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to regret losing that" Which I think is rather flattering, other than the fact that I had to convince him and persuade him to make him realize that I may be the best living creature on the planet for the guy. I mean who else would put up with his horrible jokes? Then again, my multi-language puns always make him sick.
There is something to be said about arguing with someone, or "discussing" rather, and having to listen to all the negatives that dissuade you as much as you persuade. I'm generally not a weak person, by any means, emotionless and cold, logical... and somewhat hermitous, but it's pretty hard to push me off from where I wanna be. I'm a wannabe, yes, it's true.
So between looking at apartments alone constantly trying to run through my limited Japanese and learning train lines and station names that I have never encountered in Tokyo and yet may end up living there, he ignores my cries for help and occasionally will click an apartment link I send him. I sit on the muji website trying to find out how much it will cost to have a futon and all the furniture, whether or not I will bring a pan or buy one there... the cost efficiency of buying furniture, or renting a furnished place... or researching how to get internet setup, which we need to work.
I'm working diligently, between my job, trying to be at least mildly social, and researching.. and I feel like all the effort is on me, because I just tend to be thorough that way and Eric seems to just do things and hope they work out. I'm lazy, I procrastinate, I wear pjs all day if I can, but that doesn't mean I don't look up apartment information before I move to another country in less than a month.
Maybe all that time I persuaded him and listened to him tell me it wasn't good or that I should go without him or that he couldn't "put his life on hold" for me... (even though he has no job and is only applying online, so he can do that from jp and fly back if need be, and I got him his current part-time job that allows him to travel with me) that I don't feel like it will work and I'm not worth putting his life on hold.
Tomorrow, I go to the apple store because my powerbook is jankified. I go to the geek store to get a tv card for my computer, so I can play games in my room and if we don't have a tv in japan, I can take my monitor and we can use that (yes, I've been thinking it through) and I go to BodyM... because I need to have my chest piercing removed, and I want to have it redone fresh before I leave the country.
I also need to make a dentist appointment, my teeth must be perfect, because in one month, dentistry will not be available to me.
Perhaps the jetlag, the stress of moving, the emotional upheavel of having to convince someone you're worth it is just too much for one tiny asian to bear. Or maybe I should eat food, because I haven't had anything all day since my millennium dinner last night.
I'm a girl, it happens some times.
ps - bear coat rules. and that's one long ass post, I should give a prize to anyone who reads my emotional whining. ugh. I'm embarassed for my fingers that had to type this crap,
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I am jealous of your bearcoat.
It's not emotional whining. You have valid concerns and fears. This is a big thing to take on, and feeling unsupported can be really distressing when you are under this much pressure. Good luck!
It all sounds very exciting, actually. I know you love the idea of moving to Japan. And I just came over from Koleeta's journal... seems like everyone wants to take your apartment in SF. I hope your laptop feels better soon. X