I am insanely awake and fully intend to sit at the computer until either sleep or dawn consoles me. I just watched The Shining and am fully fucking freaked out. anyone who wants to come over and, like, HOLD ME, is more than welcome to do so.
to avoid disappointing those of you who might have been looking for something more time-consuming to read, here is a brief list of Things I Will Never Stop Loving Even Though I Should Have Outgrown Them a Long Time Ago:
-Metallica. I still think they rock, plus I'm pretty sure I'm destined to bear James Hetfield's next child. and this child will go on to save the world. fuck, that man is beautiful.
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower. the seminal book of my high school career? I just reread it a few days ago and almost puked my pants. to think I actually thought that was good writing. yarg. nonetheless, it is still beautiful in an omg-sad-9th-grader kind of way.
-The Penis Game. do you know this game? you go out in public with a lovely chum or two, and one person says "penis" and the next person yells it and you keep going around yelling it louder and louder with every turn. I think this is great because I'm approximately six years old.
-Hanson. as a twelve-year-old, I was moronically obsessed with Metallica but Hanson also grew on me a bit. and they have festered in the annals of my soul for the last eight years.
-Johnny Knoxville. for the MTV generation in me. I don't know. he looks exactly like my little brother and is a complete fucking moron. my appreciation for him is ironic to say the least, but I also think I deeply admire anyone who can publicly be as much of a "jackass" as this guy is.
-the way people sound when they laugh after sucking helium. the surest way to slay me.
-blasting Rammstein in my car while driving slowly through suburbia. actually it's really quite impossible to have outgrown this just yet because I've only taken up the hobby within these last few months. still, I recognize that it is a really petty way of telling the conservative hicks of Centerville that I am cooler than they could ever hope to be.
-"The Only Gay Eskimo" by Corky and the Juice Pigs. worst song ever. I love it. I also love "Naked Sorority Girls" by Palo Alto, but being that I am a college-age doofus, I still consider myself young enough not to have to outgrow that one yet.
-stupid euphemisms for masturbation. one time I was looking through a cookbook and it showed a diagram on how to "sculpt a loaf" of angel food cake. ever since that glorious day I have thought of male masturbation as "sculpting the loaf" and have amassed quite a collection of similarly classy euphemisms.
and finally (for now)
-The Mall of America. I'm one of those people who can spend nine hours there and I have no idea why. I don't.. really.. like shopping.. orrrrr people.. and it has all the same stores as any other stupid mall. but I don't know. there's something about the place. I've had a lot of weirdly good times there with a wide variety of friends and though the place is pure unmitigated evil, it does have this restaurant with unbelievable smoothies. plus, when people tell you that you can hear the seventh circle of hell from the balcony overlooking Camp Snoopy, they're not kidding.
can't sleep, clown'll eat me. no tv and no beer makes Homer something something. red room, red room, over there! I'm a torso!
yep. come-over-and-hold-me offer still stands. and/or let's go to the casino and get free orange soda! I will be awake and hyperventilating until something new happens. peace out and word to your collective mother.
to avoid disappointing those of you who might have been looking for something more time-consuming to read, here is a brief list of Things I Will Never Stop Loving Even Though I Should Have Outgrown Them a Long Time Ago:
-Metallica. I still think they rock, plus I'm pretty sure I'm destined to bear James Hetfield's next child. and this child will go on to save the world. fuck, that man is beautiful.
-The Perks of Being a Wallflower. the seminal book of my high school career? I just reread it a few days ago and almost puked my pants. to think I actually thought that was good writing. yarg. nonetheless, it is still beautiful in an omg-sad-9th-grader kind of way.
-The Penis Game. do you know this game? you go out in public with a lovely chum or two, and one person says "penis" and the next person yells it and you keep going around yelling it louder and louder with every turn. I think this is great because I'm approximately six years old.
-Hanson. as a twelve-year-old, I was moronically obsessed with Metallica but Hanson also grew on me a bit. and they have festered in the annals of my soul for the last eight years.
-Johnny Knoxville. for the MTV generation in me. I don't know. he looks exactly like my little brother and is a complete fucking moron. my appreciation for him is ironic to say the least, but I also think I deeply admire anyone who can publicly be as much of a "jackass" as this guy is.
-the way people sound when they laugh after sucking helium. the surest way to slay me.
-blasting Rammstein in my car while driving slowly through suburbia. actually it's really quite impossible to have outgrown this just yet because I've only taken up the hobby within these last few months. still, I recognize that it is a really petty way of telling the conservative hicks of Centerville that I am cooler than they could ever hope to be.
-"The Only Gay Eskimo" by Corky and the Juice Pigs. worst song ever. I love it. I also love "Naked Sorority Girls" by Palo Alto, but being that I am a college-age doofus, I still consider myself young enough not to have to outgrow that one yet.
-stupid euphemisms for masturbation. one time I was looking through a cookbook and it showed a diagram on how to "sculpt a loaf" of angel food cake. ever since that glorious day I have thought of male masturbation as "sculpting the loaf" and have amassed quite a collection of similarly classy euphemisms.
and finally (for now)
-The Mall of America. I'm one of those people who can spend nine hours there and I have no idea why. I don't.. really.. like shopping.. orrrrr people.. and it has all the same stores as any other stupid mall. but I don't know. there's something about the place. I've had a lot of weirdly good times there with a wide variety of friends and though the place is pure unmitigated evil, it does have this restaurant with unbelievable smoothies. plus, when people tell you that you can hear the seventh circle of hell from the balcony overlooking Camp Snoopy, they're not kidding.
can't sleep, clown'll eat me. no tv and no beer makes Homer something something. red room, red room, over there! I'm a torso!
yep. come-over-and-hold-me offer still stands. and/or let's go to the casino and get free orange soda! I will be awake and hyperventilating until something new happens. peace out and word to your collective mother.
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
but yes. that is a lovely little book.
As for the Stuff You're Supposed To Outgrow... Who cares? As long as you don't have a shrine to Hanson in your living room or something.
The Gay Eskimo Song kicks ass.
That is all.