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three.. two.. one.. aaaaand we're back..

how has it been over a week since I last updated this smarmy little junkbox? I will tell you how! it is because I haven't had anything to say in a while, or at least nothing I'd want to say to YOU guys, because ex-boyfriend has now been confirmed to be among my readers, and I like keeping secrets from him..

for the dumpER, I probably have an unusual amount of bitterness, but eh.. nothing better to do sometimes than make myself miserable. whee!

oh yeah, the song of the moment, coincidentally, is "Unhappy" by Outkast. whyte gurlz luv Andre Benjamin.

anyway. today was shaping up to be a reallyfuckinggreat day.. the tornado I thought I was waking up to ended up being just a dream, Visine makes things less red, and this top looks soooogoood with this skirt. plus I had fuckin' leftover Annie's white cheddar macaroni and cheese for breakfast - MAGNIFICENT. so yes. good day.

but after my shower I got impatient and decided to straighten my hair while it was still damp. I refuse to use a blowdryer, I don't know why, I'm just that kind of bitch. and my hair is pretty fucking straight anyway, except I hate it when the ends flip out.

I learned that there is a REASON you're not supposed to use a straightening iron while your hair is still damp.. oh yeah, it smells like burning.. plus it didn't even straighten. steeee-rike one!

and then I got the campus newsletter, not expecting much. I usually just skim it and today was no exception. but then I noticed a familiar name. KEITH. Keith is the 42-year-old douchebag I've totally had a crush on for twelve gajillion years. we both work at the physical plant and he is one of my favorite co-workers. HOW SPLENDID THAT I TOOK THE SUMMER OFF, then, because he's fucking LEAVING.

stupid dick got a new job and there's a going-away party for him on Wednesday and my supervisor didn't even call me. she's probably twelve times more heartbroken than I am. and that is a lot of heartbroken because this is just almost fucking enough to make me quit my job. all the awesome maintenance workers are leaving for better jobs, leaving us poor innocent office workers to make polite small talk with the less interesting employees.

shit, now they'll all depend on ME for shocking sexual innuendos and dirty dirty jokes. which, you know, I can handle, but it'll be a hell of a lot less fun without Keith. so steeeeeeeee-rike two.

and so I continue my long-winded journey through the day and go to the mall because I'm on a god-I-need-new-underwear kick. but a specific KIND of underwear, the boyshort kind, that no longer seems to exist in massive quantities. fuckfuckfuck. I went to every store ever and finally found a perfect pair as well as this UNHOLY awesome skirt, and when I was about to pay for it all, I dug through my hoodie pockets (which I use as a wallet because I'm a classy, classy broad) and found that OH YES JESUS I had forgotten my card.

and I didn't happen to be carrying any cash. and so.. we have.. STRIKE THREE. you're out, blah blah. skirt and underwear will have to wait for a day whereupon I am slightly less engaged in total bitchery.

yep it was going to be a stupendous day because I've decided to avoid most human life for the rest of the summer, because I am an incredible ASS, because one of these days I am forcibly removing my uterus with an ice cream scoop, because it has staged a revolt and is utterly controlling my life. bleed, motherfucker, bleeeeeeed.

anyway dudes. this is ridiculous and I'm going to shut up now and read nerdy books and gorge myself on chocolate and evil. ta.

edit: holy crap! I only seem to write in this thing when I'm bitter. I promise that I'm not quite this much of a poopyhead in real life. or maybe I am. whatever. but. I'm awesome to the thirteenth power most of the time. stop making me all angsty and shit, SG.