I had a dream that someone rubbed his face in my boobs, but as a favor to me, because it gave me some kind of power.
yeah, it would do that, wouldn't it. being that I haven't been touched in like, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. fuckit. since April, dude.
I'm planning my life around Futurama episodes. I'm pissing in other people's backyards and stealing their patriotic ribbons. I've just endured the weirdest few months of my entire life and have come out on the other side a completely different person and yet I'm still horrified at other human lifeforms. but I'm ready to be with someone else as long as this person is nothing like the ex.
so things I need to remember.
do not date an only child. they are fucked up. they are attached to their parents in creepy ways, and vice versa.
do not date people who cry a lot and who write about things that make them cry.
do not date people who think they can write, for that matter. for the love of fucking satan. DO NOT DATE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN WRITE. or even those who know they can't write but still do it at great length and expect you to comment on everysinglething.
do not date people who, when you ask them how their day was, start off on a big rambling spree beginning with, "well, I got up... took a shower..."
do not fucking continue to date people after you have gotten sick of them. do not pretend you still care after they write you some horrible trite story that hurts your gut to think about.
do not date people you don't trust. do not date people who promise not to read your retarded little journal but still do it. do not date people who deserve to hear the things they don't want to know.
do not date assholes who IM your friends and ask them to keep it a secret.
do not date people who taste like plastic when you kiss them.
do not date people you can't be honest with in telling them that they taste like plastic when you kiss them.
do not date people whose heads and pants smell funny. do not date people who think it's cool to have a big terrifying penis. do not date people who look at you meekly and say "do you want me to.. go.. down.. on you?"
dear ex-boyfriend, get over me, your continuing existence makes me fucking ill.
yeah, it would do that, wouldn't it. being that I haven't been touched in like, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. fuckit. since April, dude.
I'm planning my life around Futurama episodes. I'm pissing in other people's backyards and stealing their patriotic ribbons. I've just endured the weirdest few months of my entire life and have come out on the other side a completely different person and yet I'm still horrified at other human lifeforms. but I'm ready to be with someone else as long as this person is nothing like the ex.
so things I need to remember.
do not date an only child. they are fucked up. they are attached to their parents in creepy ways, and vice versa.
do not date people who cry a lot and who write about things that make them cry.
do not date people who think they can write, for that matter. for the love of fucking satan. DO NOT DATE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN WRITE. or even those who know they can't write but still do it at great length and expect you to comment on everysinglething.
do not date people who, when you ask them how their day was, start off on a big rambling spree beginning with, "well, I got up... took a shower..."
do not fucking continue to date people after you have gotten sick of them. do not pretend you still care after they write you some horrible trite story that hurts your gut to think about.
do not date people you don't trust. do not date people who promise not to read your retarded little journal but still do it. do not date people who deserve to hear the things they don't want to know.
do not date assholes who IM your friends and ask them to keep it a secret.
do not date people who taste like plastic when you kiss them.
do not date people you can't be honest with in telling them that they taste like plastic when you kiss them.
do not date people whose heads and pants smell funny. do not date people who think it's cool to have a big terrifying penis. do not date people who look at you meekly and say "do you want me to.. go.. down.. on you?"
dear ex-boyfriend, get over me, your continuing existence makes me fucking ill.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
drstinkypants:
i guess i should ask if you are going to use your powers for good or evil?
rosscoe:
i dont taste like plastic 