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I had a really awesome night. went to my brother's high school graduation and saw all kinds of people I forgot I cared about.

got the best hug ever from my old French teacher and remembered that high school was actually pretty fucking great sometimes.

sometimes.

joking in the auditorium with my parents, drinking Coke and laughing at people's mouths during the national anthem, yelling for my little brother and his itty bitty girlfriend. and afterwards, a late-night Perkins run with an old best friend.

nothing has changed. we're still us. but now she's getting married and I'm shaking my finger at her, make sure he's the right fucking one, because I was sure about Justin for a very long time and then quirky little circumstances threw it all off and I realized I was wrong.

too much cherry Coke at Perkins, and three people from our old high school whose names we can't remember, and terrible mashed potatoes and we can still make each other laugh so hard we choke. I hadn't seen her in two damn years and nothing felt different last night.

yesterday was all full of goodness, the final give-me-back-my-stuff with the ex-boyfriend, and I don't want to say "closure" but.. closure. and then the graduation that was more of a reunion for me, and how happy everyone was, and how cool it is when you remember each other's name and who you used to have a crush on, and how solid I feel now that I am single, but

this morning I woke up from a dream where I was making out with someone I've fucked things up with in real life. and it's warm and humid because I always sleep through the thunderstorms.

and in my dream everything was forgiven but then his eyes rolled back into his head like my ex-boyfriend's used to when he kissed me.

happiness is hot fucking fudge, singing in the car, and not building relationships on the past.